I silence my phone after Cami text me that she is getting a ride back to town with AJ and Granger.
Sera unlocks the door to her house and steps aside to let me in. I shrug off my jacket and set my bag down. I move toward the garage but Sera remains perched on the kitchen table.
“This is going to be different", she says.
“Okay.” I close the garage door.
“Let me hear you safe word.”
“Ocean.”
“Okay.” She stands up on the table and takes down the camera by the entrance, “I had this client for like six months. Tall, blonde curls, and an amazing body. Way more fit than me. He was a hard sub to break, but once I did he became addicted to the submissive euphoria. He was perfect. One day we were just hanging out and he tells me he used to be a Dom. Which really pissed me off because I like to know that kind of thing.
He said he used to work in a really exclusive BDSM club. People paid to watch him scene. He said he got reckless. All that power got to him. He hurt one to many subs and got fired. He was out of balance. He couldn’t get in tune with his subs. Until he experienced it from the other side. Once he understood what it meant to give up control he was better able to take it. “
“Oh. I think I know who you’re talking about.”
“I think that might work for you.” Sera says.
“Switching ? Sera I don’t think—“
“Just this one time. I think it might help. We can role play. You can be a high ranking politician and I can be the secret service agent that protects and services you. Or more accurately you can be my lawyer and I can be the poor client that pays you in—“
“…will you be my wife”, I realize how that sounds, ““Roleplay as my wife.”
“Oh…okay.”
“Um...do you still have that blue and green dress ?”
If she realizes I mean the dress she wore the day she left, she doesn’t let it show.
“I think so.”
“Okay. And do you have a suitcase.”
She folds her arms.“Don’t make me regret suggesting this.”
“I won’t.”
She spends a few moments going through the closet and slips on the blue and green floral sundress from that day. It's a tighter fit then before. She takes her time putting on a pair of nude Louboutins that I'm sure she'd been gifted. Finally, she rolls a suitcase out of her closet. It’s the exact same one she walked out the house with 7 years ago. It was one of a 5 piece set we’d bought for our Eastern European vacation. It was supposed to be an annual event but we only ever got the year. The case is completely worn and covered in stickers from cities and towns across America and Canada.
Sera ducks into the garage for a moment and comes back with a shoe box. It’s filled with over a dozen rings. Most of which look like actual diamonds.
“What is this ?”
“20 years worth of rings clients and lovers have given me. Sometimes I use them in scenes. Pick one. Collar me.”
I’d never had the chance to buy Seraphina a ring. It seemed like ownership to her. I’d considered getting her one just to have and not to wear, but that was me being selfish.
I’m nervous. As if I’m actually picking out a ring for her and this isn’t just roleplay. I’d want her to have a huge ring so everyone knew she was mine. Plus the bigger it was, the better I could see it while another man fucked her. Fuck. There were some pretty big diamonds in there.
I find a small unassuming square cut diamond set in white gold. It’s the kind of ring I would have been able to afford when we were first married.
“This one.”
Sera puts on a wedding band. It's a good look on her.
“Why do you have a wedding band ?” I ask.
‘“Do you have to question everything?”
“Answer the question.” I cut her off using the no nonsense voice I reserved for court or contract negotiations. I can see every muscle in her face working hard not to roll her eyes.
“So no idiots bother me at the gym.”
Maybe I could do this switching thing.
“Come again ?” I say.
“So no idiots bothers me at the gym…Sir.”
She fucking hates that. She stumbles a little over the word.
Sir.
No one ever called me that. I always encouraged my campaigns teams to use casual language and reconsider gendered language.
I don’t know.
Sometimes I’d watch West Wing re-runs and wonder what it was like to have a team of people ‘Yes, Sirring’ me.
“Get on your knees.”
Sera does exactly as I tell her. The lack of resistance is welcoming. So is the way her dress rids up her thighs, “Give me your hand.”
She holds out her hand. Her nails are short and blunt, discolored from all the calluses and rough spots from weightlifting. I slide the diamond ring on.
“You’re mine now.”
She closes her eyes. I just know she’s rolling them, “I’m yours, Mr. Prince. What do you want me to do.”
“Great. I’d like you to organize this house—“
“No. We’re not doing that.” She says decisively. Was this a hard limit ?
“I--I don't think it's unreasonable, Sera.”
“It’s my house, Paris.I know where everything is.”
I can't tell if she is being defiant on purpose or if she is actually annoyed. She hadn’t said her safeword. Did she even have one ? As a Dom, Sera never took ‘no’ for answer--so I shouldn’t either.
“Come sit in my lap. Gently.” She rolls her eyes but does as I say. She shifts her weight slightly and put her arms around my neck to stay balanced. “Seraphina. You are going to clean this house.This place is a mess. Baby, You’re forty and live like a fucking college student.”
She stops being so gentle with her weight.
“Wouldn’t it be more fun to…” she trails off and starts kissing me. Her lipgloss taste like bubblegum and her tongue in my mouth makes me lose focus. She moans low against my mouth and adjusts her position so she is straddling me. She rocks her hips slightly. This is why I could never switch. I gave in too easily. Sera was always pulling the strings, she was close to taking control.
Fuck.
“That’s enough", I manage with zero confidence, “We are going to clean or I’ll put you over my knees.”
She laughs at me. It’s a real laugh, “I don’t think so.”
She was right. Physically I couldn’t control her but
“Fine… come here.” I start kissing her again and she smiles thinking she has won. Although she might still win considering how she’s rocking against my erection. The mirror propped on the other side of the room is perfectly positioned to give me a view from the back. I dig my heels into the ground and stand up just enough that she loses her balance and falls on the floor.
“We can continue after you clean your house. Seraphina.”
I can see the subtle changes in Sera’s expression. It’s the one she gets when she doesn’t like or understand what she’s feeling. Maybe I had more power over her than she thought.
“Fine”, she says standing up.
“I don’t want you to mess up your dress so you can leave it here with me.”
She slowly pulls the dress over her head, leaving her in just a red seamless thong and bralette. Her body is an intriguing mix of soft curves and hard muscle. She picks up the overflowing laundry basket and turns on her sound system. I’m not sure what to do while she organizes. I estimate it will take her 45 minutes. Deep down I know if she decides to turn herself in, this will make things easier for whoever is in charge of her stuff. Would that be me ?
She gets the piles of clean laundry under control then organizes the throngs of shoes against a wall. I supervise as she throws out stacks of old newspapers, magazines and junk mail. The place was clean. Just heavily disorganized. I fix a few inefficiencies in her organization and help clear the table, counters and her nightstand. In less than an hour the place looks great. I'm impressed with how fast she did it in those heels.
I feel like I can finally breathe.
“Looks good.” I hand her dress back. She slides it on and I help her zip it up,
“Is this working ?” She asks, “Don’t you want to give this feeling to someone. Be of service.”
“Can we do one more thing.”
“Sure.”
“Come here, Darling.”
Sera doesn’t move. She hasn’t been called that in a long time and doesn’t seem to know how to react. I guide her to the front door and push the suitcase over to her.
“Are you ready to follow your next order ?”
“Yes.” she says faintly.
“Don’t go.”
Her hands flex.
“Paris—“
“No. Don’t talk back. Just do what I say and don’t go,” Now it’s my turn to get on my knees. I wrap my arms around her legs and kiss her calf, “Don’t go Sera. If you leave we’ll lose seven years together. I’ll think I’m doing what’s best for us but I’m not. I’ll think it’s okay at first and we need space but I’m wrong. I’ll try to consume myself with work and just fail over and over again. Anytime I get a small win it will feel like a loss without you to share it with. Don’t go. Please. Please. I will never stop loving you.”
“I have to leave”, Sera’s eyes are red but she doesn’t let a single tears drop, “We were just going to hurt each other. We had to find ourselves again. It just...took to long. We've become different people. I don’t know how to go back. I don’t think we can. That has to be okay.”
“No”, I shake my head, “That’s not enough for me.”
I kiss the length of her calf and down to the heel of her shoe. She takes a small step back as I work my way back up to her knees, lifting her dress as I go. Her knees are locked together but they relax when I pull her thong down and past them.
“Wait, Paris”, she starts.
“I want to be yours again, Seraphina. Open. Let me.”
I hold her dress up and press my mouth to the sliver of flesh exposed flesh between her thighs.
“Wait. Paris.You don’t–.”
“Let me.” I run my tongue across her again and she finally opens. l feel a hum of my anxiety but I’m in control and centered. I slide my hands around her waist for balance and let the tip of my tongue trace every curve of her pussy until she’s unsteady on those heels. I push the suitcase away and she gets on her knees so she doesn't fall. After a few minutes I guide her to her back.
It takes me a second to lay on my stomach and readjust. I run my tongue up and down her pussy teasing her just like how she’d teased me for so many fucking years. She was so fucking vulnerable like this, her cunt it engorged and parting for my kiss. I come up for a little air and then suck on her swelling clit, I interchange between sucking and lapping while my pinky finger finds it’s way inside and caresses that spot that makes her cunt convulse and flood.
I keep licking until her pussy tightens painfully around my fingers. I keep going until she forcibly pushes me away. She sits up and wipes the cascading lines of black mascara running down her cheeks.
“Fuck”, She breathes, “What the fuck, Paris. Fuck.”
"I’m sorry I didn’t look for you sooner. I’m so sorry I was so weak. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I’m sorry, Sera. I'm sorry. I miss you. My entire life will be dedicated to being good enough for you. I will devote my life to pleasing you Sera. To deserving you. I love you Sera. I love you.”
“Paris.” She says quietly
“Yes, Darling.”
“What. The. Fuck. Was. That."
“Oh. I had a lot of therapy.”
“How many times have you done that ?”
“On a real person ?”
“Fuck”, she pulls a shirt out of the neatly organized basket and sits on the edge of her bed.
“Did I please you ?"
“I—obviously”, she says.
“Great. Let me do it again.”
+++
The lo-fi music isn’t that bad all of a sudden
I turn up the volume on Sera’s phone. It’s pitch black in the house, save for the soft glow of the phone and the stick-on light in the kitchen. I hear Sera rinsing out the jars of cashew butter that had to suffice for a late night dinner. I felt all the better knowing the jars were going into an organized cabinet of recycled containers.
Sera turns the kitchen light off and slips back into bed with me. She opens the curtains a little so faint patches of moonlight shine through the window. I run my hands over her shoulder and the hard planes of her chest for the hundredth time. Trying to become as familiar with her body as I had been all those years ago.Sera settles onto the same pillow as me and falls asleep close to my chest. I was exhausted and a little sore from the hours she spent on top and inside of me.
My phone blares from the night stand. I immediately shut it off.
“Is that… the Mark guy you are always talking about ?” Sera asks.
“No. It’s my lawyer Gina.. You’ll like her. I’ll introduce you to her and Mark.”
“Why ?” she whispers.
“He’s my campaign manager. Well strategist during off-season. He'll be around a lot—“
“So ?” Sera kisses me.
“I want you guys to get along.”
Sera turns her lamp on.
“Paris. Do you think we’re getting back together because you can eat pussy.”
“No. I think we’re getting back together because I thought we were making amends. I regret letting you go like that. I think our marriage is worth saving. I think you are worth saving and the last thing you should do is turn yourself in.”
She shakes her head
“Even if I didn’t turn myself in we still wouldn’t get back together. I’m not in my 20s anymore. I’m not following you and your career from state to state again. It was fun, but I don't know if I can go back to that.”
“I’ll give up my career for you. That would give me more time to stay here and find the killer. This place doesn't exactly need a politician…or a contract lawyer. I guess I could work at the post office or maybe the bar. Fuck. I mean is Severance really where you want to spend the rest of your life ?”
“I don’t know”, she says, "But it's where I am now."
My mind is racing. I have to fix this. I can’t let another seven years go by.
“We could do long distance.. We’ve never had a traditional marriage.”
"Paris…we’re divorced."
"We never signed the papers.”
“I signed the divorce papers.”
“What”, I scramble out of bed and pick up my bag, “When ? I never gave them to you.”
“I signed on that first night. I saw them in your bag. I was waiting for you to notice.”
She had sprawled her legal name on the applicable pages. I’d been too much of a coward to even look at the papers since I arrived.
“Well shit. I mean technically I have to get these filed with the state but I guess we are divorced.”
I was stupid. What the fuck did I think was going to happen ? I let myself forget I’d come here to get a divorce.
“Are we good ?”, she reaches for the lamp.
“I guess it has to be. I'm happy you've found a life for yourself but I am exactly where I was 20 years ago. Alone and starting over in a strange place. It's just been a decade of failure after failure."
“So”, Sera says, “Failure makes you stronger. Starting over can be an amazing opportunity. Minnesota is a great place. The party wants you there, right ? Go where you’re wanted.”
"So, I'm not wanted here ?"
"I didn't say that", Sera says, "This place is to small for you. The life I want is to small for you."
She scans the wall of pictures pinned by her bed. She reaches under one and unpins a small photo. The pictures is of a slightly blurry pink and purple picture taken over a lake.
“That’s the lake I was telling you about. It's in Duluth”, She puts it in my hand, “Keep it. Maybe we can go together one day. If I’m not in prison.”
“I’m not going to let you go to prison, Sera. I promise”
She lays back down, “It's time to let go Paris."
She turns the light off. I close my eyes and turn away from her.
+++
“Eat.”
The minute we get in the house Sera forces my lukewarm salad into my hands.
“I did."
Sera looks up from her phone accusingly
“Sera, I go to these community events as a public servant. I’m there to connect with my constituents as their representative. Not eat whatever a quesadilla explosion salad is.”
“Outdoor karaoke at a Chili's is not a community event.”
She said that as if she didn’t conveniently pass her double Margarita off to Josie when some student and parents stopped by. Honestly, I was glad to see assisting the Harrison High resource officer 12 hours a week was going a lot better than her substitute teaching. Whatever it took to stay on as the volleyball assistant coach.
In the back of my mind I was hoping I could swing a comparable job for her if I got called up to Morris County. Rural New York wasn’t exactly a hotspot for BDSM clients --so she’d have a lot of free time and she seemed to like coaching.
Sera kisses the top of my head and heads upstairs. On her phone I could see someone had already posted a picture from the event on the Harrison County Facebook page.
“Come to bed when you’re done.” Sera says.
“I have an in-peson meeting tomorrow I need to prepare for. Plus I have some e-mails to catch up on.”
Sera wasn’t pleased but her needs had fallen down the list of priorities the past few years.
I don’t eat the salad.
I end up regretting it because it’s still in the fridge when I get released from the hospital 4 months later. The greens are putrid but the quesadilla is surprisingly pristine.
Sera never goes back to work at the school.
I never make it to that meeting.
I never find peace in the house again. I just hear my mad wife screaming and the sounds of gunshots.
The screaming.
And the relentless pounding on the door as the window breaks
I bolt up screaming. My nightmares are back with full force.
Sera flips the light on and I remember where I am.
The loud pounding is still there.
We both snap our gaze to the cracked window by the front door. There is a flash of a shadow outside as the pounding continues. A wet gurgle comes from the other side followed by a hoarse scream.
Sera fumbles for her gun case. When she can’t get it open, she grabs her pepper spray and opens the door.
AJ tumbles in . He collapses and twitches on the floor. His shirt is saturated in blood. A knife is lodged a the apex of his neck and shoulder.
“Don’t take it out”, I warn Sera and search in the sheets for my phone.
Sera has her ear to his mouth. He’s trying to say something. He tries to scribble something in blood.
“Who is it ?’, Sera ask, “Who did this.”
“Sera presses her hands to his chest . Blood seeps through her fingers. There are multiple stab wounds to his chest.
I find my phone but the service is awful. I try to shout as much information to the dispatcher before the call drops. I turn on Sera’s hotspot and dial again.
Then AJ says a name.
A gargled sound comes from his throat again and he says the copycat killer’s name again.
Sera wraps her hand around the knife sticking out of AJ's neck. It was the same knife AJ had stolen from Mickie and Paige's crime scene. It was the same knife Sera had cut countless knives and lemons with.
“Scott”, AJ says one last time.
—-
Dun dun dun. Okay. So it’s not the same knife. They are just in a set.