"Hey, look what I found."
Cami startles me. I’d gotten myself up and ready by 5:00am then settled on the Day’s Inn's surprisingly nice back patio for an impromptu breakfast of ice water and granola bars. The view of the parking lot and AC unit leaves a lot to be desired– but the weather is tolerable. I couldn't get over how quiet this town was. It did wonders for the remnants of my panic attack from last night.
Cami plops down a year book. It’s open to a collage of candids. She points to a picture of a girl in a polo shirt and jean skirt with a Motorola Razr.
“I feel like texting on that would give me a headache.”
“You had to get real creative.” I flip to the front. It’s an Aberdeen High yearbook, “Where did you find this ?”
“There is a little free library in the conference room I booked for my final. Look. Nate and Scott were on the track team together. I think I even saw Bev in here. Paula is even listed as a substitute teacher. Small towns, huh.”
She flips to a page that shows the track team. Of course Nate and Scott are standing together mid-laugh. They looked like the kind of guys who I would have had a crush on even though they bullied me. Cami flips to another page of Nate in ROTC. This town was in his blood. Why was he doing so little to help it?
“All-American”, she says, “I think this will be good for character building on the podcast. I feel like the angle now is about a small town turning on an outsider.”
“Now you think AJ is innocent ?”
“No, but whatever he’s done. I think the town drove him to it.”
Cami’s focus shifts to something behind me.I turn and see Sera walking up the street in tapered black jeans with enough rips to make them pretty inconsequential and white crop tank that might as well be painted on. She’s carrying an autumnal flannel that looks fresh from an Amazon box.
“See if you can get her to talk about AJ.”Cami says while Sera is still pretty far away.
“Getting Sera to talk has never been easy.”
“You were with her all night and didn’t talk ?”
“We talked a little. I don’t think I’ll be using her…services…anymore.”
“Really ?”
“Yes. I can’t handle being her client and she can just barely handle being mine.”
“Okay, then you won’t have a problem drinking a cup of caffeinated coffee in front of her. Jasper just put out a fresh pot.”
Sera makes her way to the patio sipping what looks like some god-awful prepackaged pumpkin flavored protein shake.
“We’re late.” she says in greeting. I’d told Sera we’d leave at 5:30 am and it was already 5:32 am.
“Let me get a cup of coffee and I’ll meet you at the car.”
“I don’t think so.” She says, “I’m not spending 3 hours in a car with you talking non-stop.”
Cami gives me a pointed look.
“Sera, I wasn't asking you. I’m the one that has to drive.”
“I wasn’t asking either. Let’s go.”
I convince myself I didn’t really need the coffee. It was petty to try and prove a point.
“Let me know how your final goes.” I remind Cami.
“I will. Be careful, Paris.“
+++
“Are you going to AJ’s farewell party”, I ask Sera. Madison had sent out a massive group text invite to a bar between Severance and Aberdeen. I made a mental note to copy down all the numbers to use as possible leads.
“Is Nate really going to let him leave?”
“Technically he hasn’t been charged with anything yet. I have a feeling once he leaves he’s going to go off the grid. It might be your last chance to tell him.”
She shakes her head, “He’s better off never knowing.”
“Sera did you know AJ was hiding a knife.”
“What ?”
“Larry gave it to Cami and I. We have it somewhere safe. It’s pretty damming.”
She shakes her head, “Fuck his lawyer. When we get back you need to defend him. I don’t know what kind of shit he is in, but you have to get him out of this.”
“So, you do care about him.”
Her jaw tenses a little, “If they run his DNA could it lead back to me or him.”
Him. I couldn’t think of a proper word for the other contributor to AJ’s genetics. I could kind of picture his face but not his name. I hadn’t seen him in town the few times I'd been back. He’d dropped out of school so if anything I knew he was violent, cruel and ignorant. Logically I knew those things weren’t passed down.
“It depends on if it goes federal. You think he’s in prison or committed a crime ?”
Sera’s entire focus is now on changing her vape cartridge, “I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. Just promise me.”
“I promise.”
+++
The Artisanal Craft and Glass Fair is being held at an abandoned farm 20 miles outside Tacoma. It’s chilly outside but there are some fire performers, sun ceremonies and a giant tambourine circle taking place on the massive lawn. The space is crawling with a healthy mix of new age hippies and young Gen Z’s setting up tripods.
Before getting out of the car Sera works her fingers through her crew cut. She leaves her flannel tied around her waist so the tattoo sleeve she usually had covered is on full display. Before we head inside Sera fishes around in her pocket for her septum ring.
“I get it.”, I say, “You don’t want anything to think we’re together. We’re on a mission here.”
She rolls her eyes and grabs my hand. Her fingers lace between mine.
“Now they will.”
Sera had held my hand to be defiant, but she doesn’t let go once we get inside. The fair has a literal mile of vendors. There are no signs or booth numbers. Just artsy grunge chaos being soundtracked by an offbeat drum circle. I scan the thick crowd looking for any sign ofHippolyta.
“It’s going to take forever to find her”, I shout over the crowd.
“Look for a brass Airstream.” She surveys the space from her much better vantage point.
Despite being on a mission, Sera stops and smells every home made small batch candle. She buys two Lemon bergamot candles, incense, and several bars of sandalwood soap. The vendors accept alternative payments and bartering (but also Visa and Mastercard). One vendor happily accepts a trade for some of her weed.
Since we are apparently not in a rush, I consider buying a small wind chime. It might be nice to have at my next house. I’d just haggled one down to $20 when Sera pulls me over to another table (it’s actually a giant tree trunk they’ve molded into a table) with stacks of crystals, gemstones and minerals.
“Blue calcite”, Sera points to a stack of cloudy blue crystals that have been cut into hearts. They are being sold as Heart Spells. She gives the vendor $40 and hands me the crystal. It's weighty so it’s probably real.
“Blue calcite has healing properties”, Sera explains, “It helps with anxiety. You just have to rub six times in the morning and six times at night. It might help you.”
“I’m an equal opportunist atheist. I don't believe in magic crystals.”
“Just try it”, She bites back her natural urge to admonish me for my lack of faith in things other than people.
“It’s a rock, Sera. If rocks could heal people out entire healthcare system wouldn't be massively fucked.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Magnesium is a rock. So is Iron. Those rocks are used in medicine everyday, right ?”
“You have to ingest and refine it first.”
“Touching mercury can kill you and that’s rock.. So is asbestos. The Earth in its natural form is powerful.”
“Fine”, I suggestively run my thumb over the rock six times.
“How do you feel ?”
“Honestly, a little more at ease…Of course this placed is packed with potheads so it could be the contact high.”
“Come on. I think I see Hip’s stand.”Sera takes my hand again and pulls me through the crowd.
The back of the space is open and sure enough a shiny brass Airstream is parked alongside several other vendors selling from their vehicles. Hippolyta has two tables and a large display case. A hand painted wooden sign reads Hippolyta’s Natural Curios. She’s seated behind a display table working on new pieces while customers browse. An altar of candles is lit behind her. An Order cross is intricately etched into each candle holder.
Sera approaches Hipplyta’s table from the side. She slips behind Hippolyta who is hyperfocused on inlaying a gemstone to notice. Sera puts her arms around her and blows in her ear.
Hippolyta jumps and looks up at me first. Her light blue eyes go wide in surprise. Then she looks behind her and jumps out of her chair.
“Oh my goodness. Babe !” They embrace each other tightly, “ Oh fuck. Oh Paris ! Paris !”, She stands on her chair and hops over the table in a swish of skirts to hug me, “Look at you ! Score one for evil capitalistic Western medicine. You look great.”
The last time I’d seen Hippolyta I was still strapped to a hospital bed, high on morphine with a feeding tube. She’d sat at the edge of the bed mumbling and apologizing about why she had to leave and asking me to make her excuses to Sera because of how hard all of this was on her.I vaguely remember Aria scolding her and shuffling her out the door.
Hippolyta walks back around the table to hug and kiss Seraphina again.
“Hippolyta we need to talk”, I say.
“Of course.”
She puts a ‘Will Return Soon’ sign out and ushers us into her Airstream. Her space is economical. She has a small circular bed, small stove/sink, and a counter overflowing with neatly organized gems, chains, and soldering equipment.
There is a small TV in the corner that shows a live stream of her display tables.
Hippolyta’s bright smile hasn't changed. She has a warm tan, her light brown curls are now past her waist and dusted with gray. She’s all sharp delicate angles. She’s somehow been the worst and best thing to happen to Sera since high school.
“So, Paris….are you still a cop ?” She asks pulling us down to sit on either side of her, “I think Aria told me that. That’s such a bummer, Paris.”
“I was a director for The East Hampton Assistant District Attorney’s office if that’s what you mean. That was a few jobs ago though.”
“Great ! Who wants Blue Indica ?”, she starts shuffling through a tea tin, “It’s amazing. I got it in New Mexico. There might be a little teensy tiny LSD in it… My life healer gave it to me before she had to go back to Canada to finish her prison sentence. I said I’d visit her but it’s impossible to have a proper sun circle that far up north and it really drains my crystals, but you know I promised Sun Bloom I’d be there for people, so I will be there for people.”
She drops a piece of ice into her bong and makes herself comfortable in Sera’s lap, “Mmm, Seraphina–I see you’re all done being celibate. Thank the Goddesses.”
Sera seems surprised for once, “How did you know ?”
“It’s written all over your aura.”, Hippolyta flicks on her lighter, “Paris I still look at you and get…nothing from your aura. It’s just not there.. I think it might be because you are a politician or you were the devil in another life. I don’t know.”
Hippolyta takes a hit and there is finally a moment of silence. I pull out the charm and lay it on the table. Hipplyta passes the bong to Sera and picks up the bagged charm.
“Oh, no. Did it break ? I have a 100 year guarantee on all my products.”
“Hip. Is this the one you gave me a few Christmas ago ?” Sera asks, “When we were in Fairhope."
Hippolyta leans over to the table and picks up a magnifying glass. She takes her time stretching out her lean body.
“Yep. This was from the batch I made in 2022.”
“Can you prove that ?”
Hippolyta nods, “I can see my micro-engraving. I mean I use smelting iron for the details that would date it "scientifically". Hey ..wait…. Is that…blood on it ?”
“I gave this cross to someone”, Sera says,”We found it somewhere it shouldn't have been. The person I gave it to replaced it somehow. You only made two of these two right ?”
“I made four”, Hippolyta admits, “But there could be similar items out there. Some dipshit was selling copies online. One of the younger vendors told me it went viral on one of those AI algorithm websites. Paris, is that the kind of lawyering you do because I want to sue them. But not for the money. For the principle of the matter.”
“So someone could get a replica.” Sera gets her back on track.
“No. I make mine from a combination of white gold and iron. You can feel and see the difference.”
AJ’s cross hadn’t looked like a replica, “Hippolyta did you ever sell one to a kid. Early twenties. Long hair…”
“Widow’s peak”, Sera adds.
Hippolyta thinks, “I don’t know. I mean I do like to bless every purchase. But I remember auras not faces. What’s their aura like ?”
“Hip”, Sera sighs.
“I’ve never sold an Order cross. For some reason my turtles are more popular.”
Sera goes through her phone and finds a picture that features half the town at High Noon for what looks like a Christmas Party. Larry stands with his arms around both boys. AJ looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.
“You don’t remember selling anything to him.”
Hippolyta takes the phone.
“Oh my God. Seraphina. Is that—“
“Yeah”, Sera finishes.
Hippoyta takes another hit and makes herself more comfortable in Sera’s lap.
“Babe, I may not know what day of the week it is or if you two being here is some sort of hallucination from the ecstasy I had with lunch but I’d know if I sold an Order cross to someone from the Old Country. Especially if it was…him. I’d remember him..”
“Do you have a list of your last stops ?” I ask.
She reluctantly gets up and comes back with and retrieves a spiral bound notebook. I flip it open and see it’s her register. Each entry is divided by location. Each line shows an item purchased, price and a description of an aura.. I flip through while they busy themselves getting high and making out.I flip back to Labor day weekend and then look at the weeks after. I spot something interesting in October.
“This Hallow’s Eve Fair”, I say interrupting Hipplyta’s attempt at getting Sera to remove her white shirt, “It was in Portland. Do you have tape from that.”
“I…tape ?”, she asks.
“Footagage. From Your dashcam”
“Oh. Shit. Yeah I guess I do.”, The ancient system she has installed runs on mini discs. She goes through a few discs until the October date shows in the lower corner, “ Are you trying to find him or something ?”
“Or something”, Sera says.
“You may not have sold it to him”, I realize.
The camera only catches every 10 seconds. I stop when I see it. Hippolyta is at the far end of her booth holding a client's hand and talking excitedly to them. On the other side of her booth I see a figure in black with long brown hair hovering around the table. He looks back and reaches for the charm on the table. There is a 10 second jump. When the video cuts back the charm is gone. I see him briefly in the corner of the screen. He’s not alone.
“Mia was with him”, I realize. She’s probably invited herself along not realizing he was trying to cover up a crime. I take a video of the footage and send it to myself.
If AJ killed Mickie and Paige he must have realized he left his cross in the scuffle. When he couldn’t find it, he stole a replacement. This was the kind of circumstantial shit prosecutors loved.
Hippolyta studies the image of him on the screen, “ He must have great darkness in him. He must be under so much pain and pressure.”
“What makes you say that ?” I ask.
“All of my stuff has curses on it. I only take it off when I sell it. If he brings it back I’ll remove it for free !”
“I’ll pass it along. We should go.” I needed to talk to AJ.
Hippolyta melts into an over-exaggerated pout, “No. Hey, we should go to Taco Bell. It’s not real meat so you can eat some too Paris !”
“We have a long drive back," Sera says.
“ I’ll be in Sedona this spring for the turquoise show. We should plan to meet up. The healing hot springs are sooo good and you don’t have to wear clothes. I mean other people will, but we don’t.”
“I’ll be there.” Sera says with zero hesitation.
We file out of the Airstream. Hippolyta scans her table and selects a few earrings for Sera to take.
“You should get something for Cami”, Sera suggest.
“Oh. Paris, Is that your girlfriend ?” Hippolyta seems way too excited about that prospect.
“Practically his fiance”, Sera clarifies.
“No. We’re not–”
“ I don’t do diamonds", Hippolyta interrupts “I would never put Mother Earth through that much pressure. Moonstone is just as good. Take this ring. Trust me. If you get married under a full moon the sex will be explosive.”
“That’s kind but we’re not really together–”
“Take it anyway. I blessed it twice. I said this to Sera 6 years ago and I’ll say it to you. I’m sorry about before. Things got real and I ran. It’s just… I’m not Aria.” Something about her words leaves me almost speechless.
“I know.” Hippolyta accepts my short response as an apology.
+++
“She hasn’t changed a bit”, Instead of Taco Bell Sera and I stopped at an outrageously priced juice shop for bland smoothies and overpriced protein Keto bowls.
“I think you need at least one friend like that”, she says. Sera had gotten non-stop compliments about her tattoos since we sat down. Maybe it was the small café, but she seemed to take up more space than usual. Or maybe it was that she was comfortable taking up so much space.
“AJ might be in some serious shit”, I say.
“You’ll still help him, right ?”
“ I will. Everyone deserves a good defense.”
“We all thought Larry died that night. I get it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I get why he might have done it”, She puts on her wayfarers, “Orphans like us have twisted senses of loyalty to anyone who shows them kindness and love. If he thought they killed Larry he may have done something. I don’t want to believe it... but it’s possible.”
“Is that what you and Hippolyta have ? A twisted sense of loyalty to each other.”
“What do you mean ?”
I’d been thinking about what Hippolyta said when we parted. I hadn’t planned on bringing it up but here we go.
“Hippolyta said she apologized to you six years ago.”
“So.”
“Do you love Hippolyta the same way you loved me ?”
“Paris, you know better than to ask questions like that.”
I try to push down the urge to argue but the lawyer in me fights it’s way out.
”Six years ago you went out of your way to find a woman who doesn’t have an address or phone number so you could reconcile with her, but you couldn't do the same for your husband ?"
“It’s…different.”
“Yeah it’s different. I was your husband. I was there for you until the very end. No one else saw the hell you went through. But you never once tried to reach out to me. My number didn’t change. I was a public person.”
“Don’t start”, She says calmly getting up and leaving the shop.
I follow and lock the car door so she can't get in.
”Sera, If i hadn’t come looking for you-- would you have ever reached out to me ? You walked out one day and never came back.”
“I didn’t change my number for two years.” She reminds me, “You never once called me.”
She walks away from the car. Desperately trying to avoid the fight we’d almost had my first night here. The fight we should have finished.
“I was still battling my own demons.” I remind her.
“Really ? You looked just fine on those campaign posters.”
“Looks can be deceiving and you know that.”
“Enough. We’re not doing this.”
“You don’t get to decide that.. I’m not your submissive husband anymore.”
“We’re not doing this.” She says again.
“Tell me why I had to come find you, Sera.”
She heads to the sidewalk and starts walking out the shopping center and towards the street.
“Sera”, I jog to catch up to her.
“Why are you starting this, Paris?”
“The end was brutal for me.You broke me and then you left me. I had no idea where you were for seven years. I practically grieved you. All you had to do was reach out.”
“It was brutal for you ?”, She faces me and her eyes are colder than usual, “I couldn’t tell because you were always glued to your work phone, planning that stupid campaign and fucking whores in my bed—“
“Sera–”
“You fucking loved reaping the benefits of what happened. It was all worth it because you thought you were going to be district attorney-”
“That’s not–
“I told you”, she said wiping her left eye, “I told you I didn’t want to be an informant.. But I had to do it. For your career. Because we decided you could make the decision when it came to your career. It was the only thing I gave you control of and you fucked it up. You did the worst thing someone with all the control could do. You put your needs before me. Before Us. You’re no better than all those awful Doms that broke you. This was all your fault Paris. That's why I didn't reach out. Beacuse you did this to us. ”
“No.”
“When they shot us I was ready to open my eyes to God. Instead of God I heard you. You were crying like a little bitch on the floor .All I could think is–please God why didn’t that little narcissistic asshole bastard die first. Do you remember what I did next?”
I shook my head because I had so few memories of that night.
“I crawled. I bled and crawled and spilled my guts all over the fucking sidewalk so I could save you. Because I didn't know how to do anything else. Yet all I could think while I was bleeding out was how much I hated you for causing this. ”
Her eyes are dark. There is a deep rage and anger there. I imagine this was the look the real Severance Stalker saw before he died in her dungeon. Maybe the same rage and anger Mickie and Paige saw when AJ came to their door.
“No” I managed.
“No ?”
“This was your fault, Sera. Helios didn’t put that hit out on me. He put it out on you. This was your fault. You are the only reason he did this. You and your bullshit drama from high school. And I know you fucked Helios once or twice while we were married, which is sick by the way.
You’re doing fine but my life is shit because of that night. I have nightmares about what I can’t remember, my back is eternally fucked up, and my public career is shit because every time someone searches my name they can see I was raped and almost killed in my own house because my wife had a crazy ex-boyfriend.”
“Shut the fuck up about your career for five minutes.” she snaps, “You did this to yourself–”
“Don’t you ever fucking say that to me again. Don’t you fucking dare blame me for this. How did Helios even know you were going to inform ? Did you let it slip to Leon ?”
She blinks away a few tears, “You begged me to do it.”
“We both know I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”
Sera keeps walking, “I should have never walked out of the bar with you that first night.”
“No.” I feel ready to keep going, “This is good. We’ve been avoiding this fight for years. Maybe that’s why it’s been seven fucking years. Let’s really end this.”
“You were right”, she says a little too calmly, “I don't know how to end relationships. Here is what I should have said all those years ago. That home invasion ruined our marriage. We both hate each other for the part we played in it. We hate each other even more for never talking about it. We yelled about it in public and now we’re done. I don’t like where this investigation is going. I don’t like what it might uncover. You and Cami need to leave Severance as soon as possible. . You can stay the fuck away from me for the rest of your life. If you don’t— I’ll disappear again. For good this time.”
She walks towards the bay and I don’t follow.
+++
I drive back to Severance with her words ringing in my ears. My anxiety feels heavy in my chest. When I get back to the hotel I immediately shower and throw away the bullshit soap Sera had given me and use the harsh hotel soap.
I’m pulling on a polo shirt when the locks whirs and Cami walks in with her laptop.
“What’s wrong ?”, she asks.
“Can we go somewhere ?”
“Sure”, she says without hesitation.
I drive to Sera’s neighborhood and down the quiet lane. AJ is sitting on the roof. He watches us as I drive towards the cul de sac. Sera is laying on her porch swing with an overflowing ashtray next to her. Stoned out of her fucking mind.
I’m not sure if she saw us. I’m not sure that I care.
“Paris what’s going on ?” Cami asks.
“Sera doesn’t want us involved anymore but we’re going to finish this. I’m just worried she might start working against us.”
“Paris, what happened ?”
“We’re done. I’m done with her.”
“Paris…I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.”
+++
This is how it ended
I slowly close my laptop and peer up the steps. I check my watch and after several moments of contemplation I head upstairs. I check my phone and see I have two missed calls from the DCC and one from the Morris County D.A.
I’d been dodging their calls but I’d gotten all their e-mails. The DCEC and current DIsrict Attorney still want me to run in the upcoming election. My victim’s impact statement at the sentencing had made an impression. My plea for compassionate and merciful sentencing meant I was hard on crime but open to structural change.
I knock on the guest bedroom door. Sera doesn’t so much as stir when I enter. My old radio from college is plugged in and playing an obnoxious morning show. The bed is littered with watercolor markers and adult coloring books. The dinner I’d left for her last night sits untouched on the nightstand.
“Sera ? Dr. McCullock is waiting. She’s only available for another 30 minutes.” I wait for an answer I know won’t come, “We can do our session up here. I’ll turn the camera off. Darling…”
She just pulls the comforter tighter around herself. I sent a text to Dr. McCullock that we will have to reschedule…again. I stack the coloring books up and return the markers to the carrying case. I throw out the food and tidy the room.
My phone buzzes several times but I choose to ignore it.
I kick off my shoes and climb into bed with her, wrapping my arms around her body the best I can. She is warm and unmoving. I press the side of my face to her back and feel the unsteady rise and fall of her chest that usually indicates tears.
I clock the big bottle of caffeine pills on the bed. From what I could tell she only slept 2-3 hours at a time. The nurses at the rehab center said she was too afraid to sleep-afraid she’d wake up tied up and being beaten again. They’d given her drugs at the center but there was nothing I could do at home.
Not that this felt like a home anymore.
“Can we talk about the campaign ?”, I ask.
By now she knew the party still wanted me to run for the District Attorney seat. I’d been assured it was safe.. No one had seen or heard from Helios since he was questioned. Rumor was he’d fled to Eastern Europe. The few remaining Order members had left for Canada.
We were safe.
We were alive.
We could move on.
Or at least I could
Sera was suffering from something she didn’t believe in. Depression had hit her hard and she refused to see anyone about it. She had panic attacks in the middle of the night and was anxious because she was no longer surrounded by doctors and nurses to take care of her.
All she had was me. I wasn’t doing to well myself but I was better at hiding it.
It has been two months of this and I wasn’t sure I could take much more. I laid in bed with her for a few more minutes.
“I need you to be stronger, Sera. You promised you’d do one therapy appointment.”
My phone buzzes again and I feel Sera tense under my arms.
“Just take it. I know you want to”, she says as the phone starts ringing, “It’s the Party isn’t it.”
“This isn’t just about me, Sera. The Party needs me to run in Morris County.We need a change of scenery and the district attorney campaign will keep us busy. This is our stepping stone to a national stage. You said you wanted to move back Upstate one day.”
“I can’t.” She sits up. Her thinning hair is in a loose French braid. The right side of her face is completely bandaged with just her eyes showing. I take both of her hands.
“You can. You won’t have to do anything during the campaign. You can stay out of the public. I will make sure you are taken care of and safe. Whatever you want, Darling.”
“I want to go back”, she says., “To when I fucking told you we shouldn't mess with Helios. I told you it was dangerous. Look at what he did to me.”
Sera rips off her bandages, the right side of her face had been grafted over with new skin. It was still shiny and swollen. Her injuries were much worse than mine. Her jaw had been shattered when they beat her with the lamps. When she’d crawled next door to get help she’d torn several ligaments and caused severe internal damage. She’d been in a coma when she arrived at the ICU. She stayed there for most of her recovery before being moved to the rehab center.
I’d been in a medically induced coma during my hospitalizations. The six months felt like a few weeks to me. I’d lost a lot of blood and had to have emergency surgery to remove the bullets. Our medical teams refused to let us see each other. They were afraid it would cause too much strain.
Aria took on the role of communicating between us. She’d abandoned her 2nd year associate position at a huge non-profit to be there. We would day dream about starting an immigration and human rights advocacy group together. Some of my Brothers visited. They’d piled in a van, nervously paced around my room for one day then left.
One day I noticed the shine wasn’t in Aria’s eyes anymore. She would spend hours listlessly scrolling through pictures of her kids.
I’d reached for her hand.
“Aria”, I said, “It’s time to go home.”
With Aria gone it was just the two of us. Well…it felt like it was just me.
“Sera, Darling… it was the right thing to do—“
She threw her water glass at the wall.
She shoved me out of bed then doubled over from the pain. I offered her the pain pills the doctor prescribed and she smacked them out of my hand . She hated pills. They reminded her of the teeth she swallowed during the beating. My hand wasn’t steady enough for an injection. Then she started crying. Thirteen years together I 'd seen her cry maybe twice. Now it was every single fucking day. I was tired of her smacking my hand and sometimes she’d slap me.
She’s supposed to be the strong one. She’s supposed to be the one in control.
This fucking marriage had never felt so heavy. If I could just get us to New York we’d be less stressed and less anxious. Maybe I could fix this. Maybe I could have my Wife back. I get up off the floor and try to keep my voice calm.
“Sera, I really think we should consider New York.”
“No. fuck you and your fucking career. I wish they would have killed me. Would have still forgiven them.”
Then I started crying because there was no fixing this, “I did what I thought was right. I’m a victim too, Love.”
She just busied herself opening the caffeine pills. Her brittle nails could barely break the seal and her shaking hands could barely grip the lid. I pick up the Benzos Dr. McCullock had sent over for Sera to try.
“Here take these instead.”
She shakes her head and keeps trying to open the caffeine pills. I try to take the caffeine pills from her and she suddenly has her strength back.
“Let go”, she’s holding on to the bottle like it’s a lifeline. I try prying her fingers away and she bites me.
“Fuck.”, I pull my shirt sleeve down, “Fuck it. Fuck it.I can’t keep doing this,Sera. You think we should have died in this house. Fine. Let’s do it. I grab a handful of Benzos and Vicodin. “Let’s just fucking end this.”
I storm down the hall, find her gun case and toss it at her. She doesn’t even react. I swallow the pills one after the other until the bottle is empty. Whatever. I’d had a decent run already. I’d probably fuck up my campaign like I’d fucked up my marriage anyway. None of this was worth it if I had to keep living like this. I take another handful of pills and lay down. I hear the digital lock open on her gun case.
Then my phone rings again.
I glance over and see it’s the Party.
Fuck it
My phone buzzes again and I see a long text. Then another.
I pick it up and see the communications coordinator has sent me a mock-up of what my campaign website would look like. The composition and photo they selected of me was great, but what really stunned me was seeing my platforms laid out for the world to see. Worker’s Rights, Crime Reform, Legalizing Sex Work, Tax Refom, LGBTQIA+ Rights, Climate Control. This was my introduction to the main stage.
Fuck
“Fuck. Fuck.Fuck.”
I stick my fingers down my throat a few times until I throw up on the floor. I stumble to the bathroom and find some Ipecac in an old first aid kit. I spend a grueling hour vomiting up pills in the bathroom. I carefully count the pills and flush them down the toilet.I gather my strength and clean up (what was now) Sera’s room. Her open gun case is laying on the bed, it’s filled with drawings done by the Argos girls. Aria must have taken the gun when she left.
I give Sera a sponge bath. She flinches every time I touch her. She was in a shit ton of pain and I’d wasted her medication. I could not explain this to her doctor without getting put on suicide watch again.
Once I had her settled I picked up my phone and reviewed all the missed calls. People were counting on me. I had to get back out there. I had to keep moving forward to keep myself alive. Why couldn't she understand that ?
I was going to run in New York. If I sold the condo in the city I could buy a beautiful house Upstate with security guards and a gate so she would always feel safe. I could probably hire a whole team to take care of her until the money ran out.
I guess that’s what I’d have to do.
I pick up the next time the Party calls
“I’m ready to run. I need to get out of here.”
+++
A few weeks later Sera actually came downstairs. I’d heard her moving around but hadn’t thought it would lead to anything. I checked on her everyday and helped her when she needed it. I couldn’t tell if she was pleased or upset with me and the submissive in me hated that.
I focused on my upcoming campaign. If I thought about anything else it would put me in a really bad mindset.
Sera is maneuvering a small carry-on bag. She is wearing the sundress she wore in court. Her hair hangs limply at her shoulders. She pauses in front of where I was working at the kitchen counter. After the attack I’d found myself more comfortable working in open spaces with windows and natural light.
Sera glances at the basement. She’d refused to step foot in her studio knowing how the intruders had raided it. Aria had to remove the police tape and re-organize it once the police were done. I’d been slowly referring Sera’s clients to other Dommes. She’d been planning on retiring before the attack. I hated that her career wasn’t ending on her terms.
My printer is on the floor churning out resumes. I was in the final stages of selecting a campaign manager.
Sera clears her throat. I look up like it’s normal to see her out and about.
“Are you going somewhere, Darling ?”
“Yes.” She says. I follow her line of sight and see a yellow taxi cab outside, “Leon and Aria invited me to Jacksonville for a week.”
A part of me wonders if this is about the Domme from the local message board I’d had over a few nights ago. Her name was Cressida and I’d left the door open because I wanted Sera to hear me in her bedroom with someone else . I thought it might stir something in her. Possessiveness. Lust. Jealous. Anything but the fear, despair and panic she was trapped in.
It was the first time I’d had sex since recovering. I’d wanted to engage in some D/s play but then I’d pulled back. Cressida was bubbly with zero inhibitions. There wasn’t enough chemistry between us to make it more than a one and half night stand.
“Is this because of Cressida ?”
“Who ?”
She hadn’t even noticed.
I want to remind her that next week we were going to Morris County to look at houses.I wanted to tell her that I need her to stay so we can build a new life together in rural New York where our story began. I want to tell her I love her and I can’t start this new phase without her. That maybe this will heal her.
Instead I say nothing.
She didn’t want to go to New York, she didn’t want to stay in Connecticut and she didn’t want to take her medicine. She didn’t want to go to therapy. The only place she wanted to go was back in time. Maybe inviting her to North Carolina was Aria’s last ditch effort at finding Sera help.
I can finalize the move while she's away. I can work on putting the house up for sale and pack without having to worry about her. Or maybe she’d never make it to Jacksonville. Maybe there is a gun hidden in that bag. I feel oddly ambivalent about it. I want my wife back but I also wanted her pain to go away.
“Okay”, Is the last thing I say.
Sera waits for a few moments. From the corner of my eyes I see her look at my printer and the resumes on the counter. She eventually heads for the door, closing it gently behind her.
The next time I see her…seven long years had passed.
Author’s Note
- I’m curious if anyone’s perspective on Paris has changed knowing how it ended and that his focus on his career is a coping mechanism.
- It's mentioned in the earlier chapters that one of the reasons Sera is always smoking pot is because she is coping with chronic pain. FYI The harm Helios has done to Sera is the Human!Verse equivalent to what Helios did to Sera in Rogue when he captures her and Leon.
- You can tell Hippy’s life is going okay :
