+1+
I can’t get Leon away from his daughter the first time he meets her. I was a little annoyed that he showed up with half his platoon in tow-- but they were honestly more excited than he was. Ainsley ordered pizzas and I spent the entire day opening presents.
“You leaving tonight?” Leon asks once everyone is gone.
“Not yet. I have to help you through the feedings and the baby’s schedule. Plus we have to fill out the birth certificate. She really needs a name.”
“Harmony”, he says with no hesitation.
“That’s beautiful. How did you come up with that?”
He shrugs, “Aria is one. Harmony is two.”
Leon and I develop a routine over the new few weeks. I take care of Harmony during the day and he takes over in the evenings. Sometimes I break routine and spend my evenings with Harmony too. She is so sweet and curious about everything. I am also obsessed with her light blue eyes and soft blonde downy hair. She looks just like Leon.
“You didn’t inherit anything from Mama, did you?” I tell her during one of my bonus evenings. Harmony opens her mouth into a wide smile. That’s when I know for sure I’m not leaving. I look over to where Leon is asleep on the couch. I have no idea how I am going to tell him I want to stay.
I handle it like a coward. I just say nothing for six more weeks. Leon seems to eventually realize that I’m not going anywhere.
+2+
“I should get a job”, I tell him during one of our very late nights. Harmony had an upset stomach and we’d just got her to sleep.
“You don’t need to work”, He says, “My deployment bonus was good.”
“Leon, I love being a mother… but I need to figure out what else I can be. I have so many options. Just like you said.”
Leon nods. He’s been flipping through the Apartment Guide I’d picked up from the library. Harmony and I have overstayed our welcome at the hotel. Leon graciously offered to pay rent for a modest apartment.
“Do you want to be my wife?” He asks.
I laugh, “What a dream proposal.”
I instantly
regret my flippant tone. He was serious?
“You’d be taken care of if something happens to me. You get benefits and shit.”
“ I really need to figure things out for myself. That’s very sweet though.”
I kiss Leon playfully on the cheek. It was mostly platonic. I’d started doing it because I read on a forum that it is important for babies to see affection and team work between parents. Leon wasn’t used to affection so I was usually initiating the hugs and cheek kisses. This time when I kiss him I’m overwhelmed by his woodsy amber and lemon scent. I spy the folded bills in his jacket pocket. He’d taken a shower and changed clothes earlier-- I assumed that was because Harmony got sick all over him.
“Leon, you really shouldn’t waste money on those women.”
His cheeks color a little and he concentrates really hard on the rental ads.
“It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s an expensive habit. I mean Leon have you seen yourself? If you put on those silver aviators and that dark gray Marine t-shirt women will swarm.”
He kind of shakes his head and blushes. I love how the big tall stoic Marine gets shy when I push him a little.
“I don’t like dating. Never have anything to say.” He ducks back down into the book.
I raise an eyebrow, “An orphan from a war-torn country surviving displacement and becoming a hot Marine and single father is a story that would pull anyone in.”
“I don’t talk about my past.”
“I’m pretty sure you don’t even have to talk with …everything you have going on.”
“Everything?” he gets a little cocky and I can tell he knows what I mean.
I had dipped into some adult content on the internet when Leon let me borrow his laptop last week. He hadn’t thought to clear his browser. I hadn’t seen anything that could compete with Leon.
I grab the laundry and settle in to watch TV with him. I could never watch my news shows with him around. He would get jittery whenever there was war coverage. One time he yelled at me to ‘turn that shit off’. I’d gotten upset and locked myself in the bathroom with Harmony. He apologized for days afterwards.
He is watching a movie he’d seen a million times. It was about a Marine who was somehow also a wrestler? Leon takes items from the laundry and starts to fold.
“Sometimes girls say my accent is hard to understand….”
I realize he is continuing our conversation from earlier. His accent is thick like Sera’s. There are times where I can tell Leon is trying to smooth out his accent d like Helios. I’d learned to turn mine on and off when I started taking theater classes in high school.
I move the stack of laundry so I’m right next to him. His arm slightly touches mine.
“I can understand you just fine.” I say.
“You don’t have to—“
“Have to what? Be nice to you”, I smile to lighten things up, “You’re the father of my child. I don’t want Harmony to see you doubting yourself. I also don’t want Harmony to see you in jail.”
“It’s fine.” He says, “It’s a quiet family-run business.”
“What do those women do that I can’t?” Leon ignores me but I see him flushing, “What? Am I not skinny enough for you?”
“Aria…You wouldn’t be talking to me if I didn’t knock you up.”
I’d gotten closer and was practically working my way into his lap. His focus is now more on my cleavage than what I am saying. My high school crush on Leon faded before it started, but he is sweet with an amazing body. He also clearly likes me. I want to take advantage of that.
“You’ve done so much for me. Let me pay back the favor.”
He shakes his head, “I’m just doing what’s right.”
“You could use that money to buy a TV or Xbox. Or save it for Harmony’s future. Please.”
Leon doesn’t need much more convincing. He works his arms around me and pulls me further up on his lap.
“You sure it’s okay?” he asks.
I nod. I was almost six months post-partum and my doula said it was okay if I was ready. I help Leon take off his button up. I imagine the sleeves are constricting his oversized biceps. He looks better in his gray undershirt anyway. I can’t help but to run my hands over the taught muscles. I stand up so he can pull his pants down past his knees. I’m surprisingly excited to see his cock again.
Leon wraps his fist around it and starts pumping. I get on my knees for a closer look and he doesn’t protest when I take over. It’s warm and pulsing beneath my hand. Leon brushes a strand of hair out of my face and holds my hair back. I lean in and take him in my mouth.
“Shit.” He breathes
I don’t really know what to do next so I just suck and lick like I would an ice pop. I quickly figure out my tongue on the tip makes him rock against my mouth. He reaches for my hideous nightgown and we get tangled up as he attempts to pull it over my head. I probably would have hesitated more if Leon hadn’t been around for some of the no so pretty parts of post-partum.
He sits back and put his hand on his thighs—telling me to sit. Suddenly I understand exactly what attraction is. I’m envious that Leon always knows exactly what he wants physically. Realizing that he wants me gives me goosebumps. He brings my legs up to the couch so I’m laying across him. His rough hands work around my already painful breast. Judging by all his stares (and search history) he’d been waiting forever touch them. I slow things down when he lowers his mouth.
“Not now.”
“What if I gave you this money?”
I don’t know Leon well enough if he’s being serious or not. So I keep my response light
“There is plenty in the fridge if you want to try it.”
“I didn’t mean it like that”, he says.
“Well”, I decide to change the subject now remembering Sera’s advice, “I think…I mean I should come first. Right? Twice? That’s what I’ve heard.”
“Where did you hear that”, he says. His hand finds its way under my belly and between my thighs. His thumb presses into my clit while his fingers seem to search for the illusive G-spot. It is too much and not enough at the same time.
“Fuck”, he says.
He has me sit up in his lap and he easily maneuvers himself into me. His arms warps around my waist as he makes short shallow thrust. His thumb finds my clit again and it takes everything in me to stay quiet. Just when I think it’s over it starts again.
+3+
Leon’s former bunkmate finds a small 2 bedroom rental house for Harmony and I. It’s a tiny rundown bungalow in long forgotten neighborhood 30 miles from Jacksonville proper. Leon still lives on base so we only see him in the mornings and on weekends. He always come over if I cook and usually brings one or two other company members with him.
Whenever it’s just Leon, all my repressed sexual desire just spills out. I buy a bunch of backordered Cosmos and show Leon things want to try. I learn very quickly that Leon is a very straight forward man. If he says ‘Yes’ to something he puts all his effort into it. If he says ‘No’ he means ‘No.’
I get caught up in one of our spontaneous sessions and accidentally kiss Leon on the mouth. His body tenses and he mashes his mouth to mine. I pull away. We never kiss when we are fooling around and now I see why
“You’ve never kissed anyone have you?” I ask him.
“No. you?”
“Yes”, I say not sure if Sera and my prom kiss with Helios counted, “Let’s take it slow.”
He takes his time and gently presses his lips to mine. I eagerly greet his pressure with a little of my own. I add a little tongue next and he reciprocates.
I always feel a little uneasy when Leon leaves for the night and places a stack of cash on the coffee table. He only does it when we have sex. I start to think Leon isn’t pressuring me to get a job because he thinks I already have one.
Leon also seems to crave some maternal attention from me. Between the isolated outpost and the gender segregated camps… it seems likely he’s never interacted with women until high school or maybe the brothel. I suspect (from my Googling) that he’d trauma bonded with Helios and his crew. He probably hadn’t known love or safety his entire life. It broke my heart. I was more than happy to dish out all the motherly platonic love and comfort I could.
It’s a delicate arrangement. I kept waiting to fall in love with him but all of my emotions are decidedly neutral.
+++
Harmony has a very blessed first Christmas. We take her to see Santa, go ice skating, caroling , make hot chocolate and get dressed up to go to church. It was more for us than Harmony. Leon give me a laptop. I (with no job) make him a cheap gift basket with action movies and popcorn.
I get myself into trouble with that laptop. With 24 hour access to the internet I spend hours reading political and current event sites. I get into a few no so nice debates on forums and different blogs. I just have so much to say.
So I start a blog.
Aria Starts Here.
My first post is about my first family Christmas. Then I journal about what it was like to leave a small town and come to Jacksonville. I do a political opinion post and get several comments correcting my grammar. I get the most clicks whenever I write about motherhood or review a local restaurant.
“You should take one of the writing courses at the community college”, Ainsley suggests when I tell her about my blog at the Annual Camp Lejeune Spring BBQ.
“I want to take classes”, I explain, “But I also want to start working--”
A large hoot comes from where all the guys are swapping stories. I’d become more comfortable letting myself go around the soldiers. I would always work to keep the mood light and funny when I was talking to them—it took me a while to realize this was flirting and it could get me into trouble. But it was so much fun. There was one transfer I was very attracted to, but it seemed wrong considering everything Leon was doing for me.
I’m about to talk about my job search when something in the air shifts. I feel sick to my stomach. I run out to the parking lot and find a ditch to throw up in. By the time I’m done Leon is behind me with a screaming Harmony in tow.
“You okay?”
I sit down in the grass and try to steady myself.
“Aria?” Leon asks, “You okay”
“I think I’m pregnant.”
Leon closes his eyes.
“We need a test?” He asks.
“I’ve been suspicious for a few weeks.”
I swallow back tears. Now that I’ve said it, it feels more real. I’m worried my body won’t be able to handle this. Harmony just turned 9 months.
“…I mean a paternity test.” Leon says.
I whirl around, “How can you ask me that? I think it was the ball.”
“You said it was fine.”
“I said I wasn’t sure.”
The Marine Corp Ball had been about 2 months ago. Somehow I’d become Leon default plus one to military events and parties. The ball was my first time dressing up since prom and I refused to get stuck with a mother-of-the-bride dress. I went around to consignment and thrifts shops until I found a simple empire waist wedding dress and dyed it peach. It wasn’t as cute or elegant as the other dresses, but everyone was too drunk to care.
Leon had gotten jealous because guys kept pulling me onto the rowdy dance floor. The transfer I had a crush joined in and started grinding on me. I’d loved the attention and was a little pissy when Leon dragged me home at 2am even though there was an after party at Trent and Ainsley’s. Leon wanted to have sex despite running out of condoms. He’d had way to many drinks and was much cruder than usual.
“The fuck are you so wet for”, he’d slurred into my ear.
“Leon, be nice.” I’d said like I had any capacity tell him what to do. He’d certainly tried to pull out but it was obvious he’d been unsuccessful.
“I see you flirting with the other guys.” Leon says now.
“We are not together, Leon. I can flirt.”
“You didn’t answer the question.”
I take Harmony from him. She is screaming and crying trying to get back to the party.
“I don’t need a paternity test”, I say.
“Are you sure?” He asks.
“Yes, Leon. You are the only man I’ve ever been with. Do you see how you are acting? The minute I do anything you don’t like I have to worry you’ll stop supporting me. This is why I need to make my own money. “
“You think I don’t want you to work?” he says unlocking the doors to the 2001 Mazda Tribute he’d traded his motorcycle in for, “I never see any of the money I work for. I can’t afford another kid”
“I’ll look for a job…”
“You shouldn’t work if you’re pregnant.”
“I have to do something.”
“What about an abortion-“
“No. If I have the chance, I want to give Harmony siblings.”
Leon gets into the car and I know that’s the end of the conversation. Harmony quiets down when I turn on some music.
“Leon”, I say once he starts driving, “Talk to me.”
“You made your decision.” He says.
“I don’t want this baby to affect our relationship. I don’t want to put that on our child.”
“What relationship?” he says.
“What? Do you want me to be your girlfriend?” I ask getting a little snappy.
Leon keeps his eyes on the road, “Yeah…”
I think hard about what to say next. I shouldn’t have put him on the spot.
“Leon. I don’t have feelings like that for you. I’ve been trying to keep thing platonic.”
“Platonic doesn’t get you knocked up”, He says.
“I have a lot of confusing feelings. I mostly want to be friends with you. But I also like having sex with you. You’re Harmony’s father so we’re family no matter what.”
“Fine”, he says and turns up the radio.
“Are you afraid that if I start making my own money I’ll leave?”
He shrugs and I’m sure that’s all the talking he’ll do today.
“I can’t leave”, I say honestly, “I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
+++
Leon starts pulling weekend shifts at a local chain of mechanic shops to make extra money. I’d seen him tinkering with the Mazda but I assumed that was something all men did. Apparently Leon is quite the self-taught mechanic.
“How did you learn?” I ask him one day when he comes over covered in oil.
“Camps”, He says which is his answer to most things. I’ve learned that when he says ‘camps’ he is talking about the refugee camps.
“They taught trades?”
He shakes his head.
“Some guy taught me. It was better to be useful at camp.”
He usually never talks about the camps so I decide to push for more information.
“What about school?”
He shrugs.
“They gave us workbooks sometimes.”
Leon is like an egg that is impossible to crack. Ever since we starting preparing for baby number two he’s been pulling away from any affection. He doesn’t ask for sex anymore. He only comes over to take care of Harmony and only gives me money if I ask for it.
When I come back to the living room he’s staring at the blank television. He snaps out of it when I nudge a cold beer into his hands. Leon does this sometimes. His mind wonders back to his horrific childhood in the final militia, a group of religious zealots who survived the genocide and tried to make a rundown polluted farm into a sovereign nation. They’d managed to hold the line for five years. It was forty overworked starving men and sixteen boys. Mercenaries took out the men and the boy soldiers (most 11 or 12) were left without a country and shuffled from camp to camp.
Because of his blonde hair it was possible Leon wasn’t even born into The Order. He could have been stolen or trafficked into the militia. The trauma from his life as a refugee wasn’t like his PTSD. The war PTSD I at least understood. There were tons of books and articles with how to handle it. Leon had a mild case. He’d just get tense if there were any unexpected loud sounds or thunder. He always stayed over at my house during thunderstorms or whenever it rained. I’d always wake up to him clinging to me. Harmony didn’t like thunderstorms either and I’d have to soothe them both to sleep. Then I’d wake up early and make blueberry waffles because that had been one of the first foods he had in America that made him happy
“Leon”, I call his name when he doesn’t take the beer, “Leon.”
“Yeah”, He snaps out of it and takes the beer. He still looks a little upset.
“I was going to make waffles for dinner. My pregnancy cravings are so random. Do you want to stay over?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“Here”, I pull out the big quilt Harmony and I like to cuddle on, “Get some rest and I’ll wake you up when it’s ready.”
He nods and lays down the best he can on the couch. I know this is all temporary. I will eventually make my own money and have my own career. I’ll by a home for my daughters and have the life I’ve dreamed of. I won’t need Leon in a few years. But I have a strong (slightly dreadful feeling) that Leon will always need me.
+++
At six months pregnant I take a part-time job at a daycare. My minimum wage is nothing compared to what Leon is making but it is something of my own. My manager is impressed with how good I am with young kids. I’ve been a caretaker most of my life but it wasn’t the career I wanted.
My obsession with the news turns into a call to action. I’d wanted to be a nun to build a better future for my sisters and child soldiers like Leon. Now, I wanted to help by becoming a lawyer, lawmaker, journalist or activist. Either way I knew I was going to law school. It would probably take decades for me to get there. But I would get there.
My silly little blog starts helping me down that path.
On a whim I write a deeply personal blog post detailing my childhood and what it was like growing up in a cult. I described the strict rules and abuse I saw inflicted on my sisters. I end it with a plea to have New York State investigate The Order of The Angels House. The post blows up overnight. I get 300,000 views. Before that my most popular post has been my pregnancy announcement. Leon gets really pissed at the negative threatening ones. Another mom blogger, who is ex-FLDS, suggests we collaborate on a blog series/ fundraising effort for religious abuse survivors. New York State does a welfare check on The House-- but nothing much comes of it.
Because of all my new readers, I get a few advertising request and start to see the potential in monetizing my website. I’m also invited to some much bigger mom blogs to write posts about my experiences. It feels good to be heard.
I convince Leon to buy me a MacBook so I can do more photo and video editing. We drive all the way to the new Apple Store in Raleigh with Harmony babbling the whole way. She is going to be a talker! While Leon and the salesmen go over the details I wander over to a camera shop to fawn over DSLRS. Afterwards we go to Olive Garden. It’s the only place I feel like eating at while I’m pregnant.
Leon is quiet the entire time. He gets up in the middle of his meal to move the car. When he comes back he has a bag with a DSLR in it.
“Leon, no.” I say, “You can’t afford this.”
“It’s for your work, right?”
“Blogging is not a real job.”
“I want you to have it. You seem excited about this internet stuff.”
“Thank you. As soon as I figure out how to use this I’m going to get so many cute shots of Harmony. Oh! Now I can take my own maternity photos. It records. Maybe we can make a private video?”
He flushes a little and sits up, “You don’t owe me anything for this Aria.”
The flirt in me just takes over, “Who said it was just for you?”
When we get home Leon gets Harmony settled and down for bed while I try to film an unboxing on my crappy web cam. Then, against my better judgement, we end up making out in the kitchen. I blame my hormones for wanting more. I would have asked him to stay the night if he didn’t have early morning PT.
+4+
I hunker down to binge DSLR tutorial videos. I’m on my thirtieth video when something bangs against the window. I startle and run to Harmony’s room. I quickly hide her in the closet and reach under the bed for the gun locker.
The loud knocks move to the door. Then there is a soft click.
Shit
I forgot to lock the backdoor.
I can barely lift the heavy gun but I try to remain confident. Leon and his buddies taught me how to use it. I point the gun down and grab a heavy duty flashlight.I charge into the living room with the flashlight ready to strike. A hand tightens around my wrist and I drop the flashlight. I catch the suggestion of a face in the falling light.
“Sera?”
Seraphina lets my arm go. I drop the gun and flip on the kitchen light on. Sera is standing by the backdoor. She looks like she did the last time I saw her. Close shaved hair with hard eyes.
“I was knocking forever”, she says walking to the front door and opening it. There is a girl at the threshold with thick glasses, a cap and a mustache print sweatshirt. I was so into my videos I hadn’t even noticed their arrival.
“What’s wrong, Sera?” I ask because that is the only reason she’d be here.
“Nothing. Where is the baby?” Sera picks up the gun and takes the magazine out of it.
“Oh”, I say letting myself get excited.
I jog back to the bedroom and take a still sleeping Harmony out the closet. Sera scoops her up immediately. I notice Sera’s eyes are bloodshot but she seems steady. I grab my camera and snap a few pictures.
“She’s an angel.” Sera’s eyes linger on me for a few minutes. She’s never seen me pregnant before.
“Sera what are you doing here?”
Sera surveys the small house then hands Harmony back to me. That’s when I notice she reeks of whiskey.
“I’m getting you out of here, Aria.”
“What? What’s going on?”
I look at the hipster girl in the doorway.
“This is my friend Daphne”, Sera explains, “She is here to help.”
”And drive”, Daphne says, “Mostly drive.”
“Drive where?”
“Boston”, Sera says finding the door to Harmony’s room, “We have to get you out of here.”
“This is my home.”
Sera’s shoulders tense and for the first time I have the sense to be afraid of her. “You’ll be better off with me.”
She has some nerve. Sera and I haven’t spoken in more than a year. I sent her an email telling her I was pregnant again and she never responded. Unless things had changed--she was living in a one-bedroom off-campus apartment with Paris Prince. There is no room for me and two babies.
“Did something happen with…Paris?”
Sera starts shoving Harmony’s’ clothes into a bag
“He’s fine. You and Harmony can have the bedroom. Paris and I will sleep on the floor.”
She is making an absolute mess of Harmony’s neatly folded clothes. I reach for her arm and she pushes me off. I stumble a little and nearly drop Harmony. I leave Sera in Harmony’s room and pad over to Daphne.
“What’s going on?” I demand.
“Sera said one of her friends needed help. I offered to drive. I’m from the area.”
“Is she drunk?”
“….she had this water bottle. I didn’t know…“
“Okay”, I think things through, “Watch Sera.”
I go into my bedroom and call Leon. I could have easily handled Sera if it was just me, but I had to keep Harmony safe. As soon as I mention Sera’s name Leon wakes right up.
“I’m on the fucking way”, he says.
I play along with Sera and pretend like I’m packing. She’s relatively calm but every time she drops or stumbles she get viscerally angry at herself and it terrifies me.
I get some relief when I hear Leon’s car outside. He slams door shut when he enters. Daphne cowers when he blows past her. Sera comes out the bedroom and Leon beelines for her. He grabs Sera by the arm and drags her to the door.
“What the fuck did you do”, Sera turns to me, “Aria…”
“Don’t talk to her.”, Leon growls and shoves her hard into the front door, “The fuck are you doing coming here drunk off your motherfucking ass around my kid?”
Sera holds her hand out to me, “Let’s get out of here, Aria.”
“Get out of my house Sera.” Leon grabs her arm again
“Fuck you”, Sera pushes him off, “You dumb fucking bastard. I’ll fucking tell her--”
“Get out.” He roars, “Dumbass alcoholics aren’t welcomes in my fucking house. What’s that spoiled brat you bullied into marrying you doing about that? Huh ?”
Sera steps up to Leon. They are almost nose to nose.
“Sera”, I interject calmly, “My babies and I are okay.”
Sera closes her eyes.
“He’s doing it on purpose--” Sera starts.
“Shut up you fucking bitch”, Leon cuts in.
“Leon”, I scold him then I ask calmly, “Sera. Sweetie. What are you talking about?”
“Getting you pregnant. The motherfucker did it on purpose. I was suspicious the first time but this second time, so soon, proves it.”
Leon’s voice is low, “Shut the fuck up Sera.”
“Is that true?” I ask my hands hovering over my belly.
“No”, Leon stammers. “No.”
“He’s fucking liar”, Sera shoves Leon so hard he loses his balance, “He’s a little bitch. So fucking desperate for love and a family of his own. He couldn’t force me so he forced you —
Leon takes her down. It happens so fast I don’t even catch it. One minute he’s seething at her and the next he got her on the ground.
“Lying cunt”, he spits. I don’t recognize the vitriol in his voice. That wasn’t Leon. That wasn’t my Leon. They start fighting and taking swings at each other. Leon manages to pin her on the floor with his body. He has one hand pressed over her mouth. Sera gets a hand free and hits him. Blood spurts out of his nose. He reels back and she hits him again. She is in a blind rage. I put Harmony in her room and try to drag Sera off of him.
“Stop. Sera!” I shout
Daphne comes over and we manage to drag Sera off Leon. As soon as they are apart they immediately go after each other again. Leon gets her into a headlock and forces her face into the ground.
“Admit it”, Sera screams. Her voice is hoarse and Leon puts his knee on her back “You lying sad pathetic bastard. You can’t have her either. You can’t have her--”
Leon hauls her up and shoves her against the wall. She opens her mouth and this time he slaps her hard.
“Leon, no”, I say.
“Shut the fuck up, Seraphina.” Leon yells, “ I didn’t make Aria do shit. I was looking for you. I was looking for you. Did you know that ? You didn’t give a fuck then did you? But now you can find me. Fuck that.”
Sera looks shocked. Had she really not realized how much her disappearing act had effected Leon ?
“You’re still sick”, She says, “You did this on purpose. You can’t have her either. You can’t—“
“Aria loves her children. Not everyone is a fucking monster. I got my life together. You’re the fuck up. What? You tricked Paris Prince into marrying you but you’re fucking with girls again. Attention seeking bullshit like this is why you’re a worthless fucking drunk whore.”
He lets her go. Sera relaxes and for a second I think she is going to walk away. Instead she throws a table lamp at him. It hits him in the shoulder. Leon curses then knocks her out before I can stop him. Sera lands on the floor in a heap
“LEON”, I shout running over to her, “Sera are you okay. Oh my God.”
Sera groans but sits up.
“I hate that”, she says spitting blood on my floor,” ‘Attention seeking bull shit. Attention seeking bullshit’. I hated how many fucking times you said that to me.”
“Shut the fuck up--"
“Go to hell”, she snaps back.
Leon studies his reflection in the mirror. His eye is starting to swell up and he has a few scratches, “I’m calling the cops. Your dumbass is getting jail time for this. “
“No”, I say calmly, “Leon. Sera could lose her Asylee status. She could get deported."
“I don’t care.”
“I do”, I say trying to keep my voice calm, “I’ll handle this. Please go check on Harmony.”
He nods and heads into the bedroom. I take Sera outside and have her sit on the stoop. A very apologetic looking Daphne follows.
“Do you have Paris Prince’s number”, I ask Daphne. For some reason I think calling her… husband would help.
“No. I’ve never really met him. “
“Daphne? I need you to take Sera back to Boston.”
“No”, Sera slurs, “He did it on purpose. I’m trying to fucking save you. Aria.”
“Shut the fuck up with that bullshit.” Leon barks from inside.
“Sweetie. I think it’s time for you to go home.”
Sera pushes herself to stand and Leon comes to the door. I stand in front of him to prevent round two.
“We’re done”, Leon says from around me.
“We’ve been done”, Sera says. Then to me, “Aria. Honey. When you’re ready. I’ll come get you.”
“Sera, please take care of yourself. I love you. Okay.”
“I know. I love you too.”
Once they are gone I take a deep breath before going back inside. Leon is already unpacking and refolding Harmony’s clothes.
“Did you get Sera pregnant?” I ask. I know what I heard during the fight. There had been something Leon didn’t want Sera to say.
He blows out a breath.
“It wasn’t me.”
I relax a little, “Who?”
“I won’t say the motherfucker’s name.”
“Why not?”
“You know why.” He says and I can guess.
I close my eyes knowing this stress is not good for the baby. Leon puts Harmony in her play pen and brings me a glass of decaf iced tea.
“Did you want to raise the baby with her?” I ask.
He nods.
“She was my best friend.
I told her I would take of her. She wouldn’t have to go to war and we could finally have the family that was taken from us. I would have given her everything. She called me pathetic. She got so angry because she thought I was trying to make her straight or a girl or something. I kept reminding her she couldn’t say shit like that anymore--which just mad her angrier.
They assigned her a doctor in Portsmouth and she went down there to wait things out. She showed up to boot camp the day after. Never even looked back. She gave up a chance to have a family because she wanted to go to war. She didn’t even know what war meant.”
“That’s not fair, Leon.”
“I wouldn’t have cared if she hadn’t been such a fuck up. Picking fights, always drinking, drawing attention to herself and pissing off senior officers. Real disrespectful shit. Why did she turn down my offer if she was going to fuck over her military career?
When I went overseas in ’07 …it was real fucked up over there. The only thing that got me through my first tour was knowing I’d come back to my best friend. Instead I find she’s disappeared without a trace.”
I guess I knew the story from there.
“Then she has the nerve to tell me she got married? Seraphina Grigori who said she never wanted to get married. Said she didn’t want anything to do with a man but changes her tune for The General’s son? That snobby little spoiled fucker who abandoned his own people the second he got.”
I rest my forehead on Leon’s shoulder.
“Leon, we are going to focus on the Harmony and our baby”, I remind him, “and you are never to put your hands on one of my sisters like that.”
“She’s not-”
“I don’t care. Sera is like family to me. Never again.”
“Okay”, He says, “But I don’t want Sera around my children. Not after this stunt,”
I nod. I decide Leon can make that decision now. But once I’m able to support myself, I’ll make that choice for my girls.
“Leon, did you get me pregnant on purpose?”
He shakes his head hard, “No. It was an accident. I really thought having a family with Sera was the obvious thing to do. I really wanted to give her the happy life she deserved after all that shit with The Order and Helios. It just seemed… I don’t know.”
I spend the rest of my pregnancy wondering if I’m some sort of poor replacement for Sera.
That’s what Sera wants you to think. I tell myself. A small part of me hates her for making me doubt Leon’s choices.
Leon names our second daughter Athena.
I’d opted for a home birth so I could document the entire ordeal on my blog. I’d been placed in such a calm soothing state by my doula that it doesn’t occur to me until months later that Athena is Sera’s middle name.
+5+
Any thoughts of Sera and us reconciling fade when Leon is transferred and promoted to Pendleton in Ocean Side, CA. It is bittersweet leaving Jacksonville. It was the first place my daughters called home and held a special place in my heart.
With Leon’s promotion he is finally able to live off-base. We find a small apartment in a busy rundown complex. Our first day in Oceanside I make Leon drive me to the beach so I can see the ocean for the first time. I settle on the beach with Athena while Leon strips down to a pair of clingy swim trunks and goes into the ocean with Harmony. She runs in and out of the water with Leon protectively hovering over her. I take pictures for my blog.
Leon pulls me to sit in his lap while Harmony busies herself making sandcastles. Leon keeps tugging at the oversized t-shirt I’m wearing over my swim dress. The swim suit is cute—black and white chevron with purple crystals—but it’s so much shorter than anything I’d work in public before.
“To hot for this. “ he says pulling at my t-shirt.
I eventually take it off when the beach thins out. Leon keeps me in his lap and works sunscreen into every inch of exposed skin. I let myself enjoy his attention and the sun on my face. It doesn’t feel like only two years has passed since I left The Order. Back then I could have never imagined myself sitting on a beach surrounded by my two beautiful daughters and an attentive military sergeant
When we get back to our empty apartment Leon put the girls to bed then quickly sets up the mattress so we can have sex for the first time in forever. The only other piece of furniture in the bedroom is a mirror and we don’t turn it around. I flush bright red realizing it was now a lot easier taking him after giving birth the second time. I’m sort of put off when Leon reaches for his wallet.
“Why don’t you just get me a debit card for your account?” I say. He seems to pick up on my annoyance.
“I could put money in your account.”
“No. You don’t give me money anymore. If we’re going to live together and raise our children together I should have equal access.”
“Okay.”
That was my first attempt at making the relationship between my affection and his money less transactional. I approach this life like I did with the order—I became the head of this house and I have to make this a great home for my daughters. I realize to do that I have to build a relationship with Leon that meets both our wants and needs. I’d give him the family life he wanted as long as he supported and protected us.
I put off working in California so I can take care of the girls, cook and clean. I plan activities and outings so we can really see California as a family. I drag Leon to every single party and event that happens at the Pendleton base. I keep his days packed and let him fuck me to exhaustion every night. The entire time I am saving dollars and cents to put towards my education. I decide we are going to have a beautiful family and a beautiful life.
Deep deep deep deep down inside I pride myself knowing if Sera was in my place, she would have fucked it up a long time ago.
+++
I start my bachelor’s degree at San Diego University a year later. I make a splash my first year. I start an organization for a non-traditional students and land a part-time research internship with my favorite professor. I decide to double major in political science and gender studies. I make time to study in between naps, diaper changes, housework and blogging.
When I make it to sophomore year the hectic schedules and stress feel routine. Leon is onboard with my plan to finish my degree and apply to law school. We’d started to plan how to share the girls if I have to move far away from where he is stationed.
Soon I don’t have a choice.
“I’ve been transferred to Okinawa”, He says over dinner one night.
“Do I get t-t-transferred too?” Harmony chimes in.
“That’s up to Mama,” Leon says giving her a long look.
“How long?” I ask.
“2 years. They want me to lead training.”
I nod dutifully. A military partner can’t exactly get upset. This was what I (sort of) signed up for. This was so inconvenient. I had already picked out my classes for next semester. This would also delay my naturalization. I really want to vote in 2012.
I send Harmony to the living room with dessert so Leon and I can talk.
“I can’t move to Japan, Leon.”
“I know.” He says.
“When are you leaving?”
“Three weeks.”
“We’ll be fine. We’ll Skype and call every day.”
He nods.
“I’m going to put the girls to bed early. I want to fuck you.”
I look over at the textbooks and dishes calling my name
“I really need to study. I’m also behind on chores. Can you help with those first? Then maybe we can make time.”
“I want a son.” He says.
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“Let’s try. You and the girls need someone to keep you safe from Helios.”
“We are smart independent girls who can protect ourselves.”
He shakes his head, “Helios is old school. If something happens to me he’ll think he has a right to everything if there is no son.”
“I’d like to see him try.”
“Helios is a monster. Don’t fuck with him. Not even that gun will stop him. He’d take you and the girls for himself. That’s how it was in the old country. Or what we were taught."
I nod. Considering The Order’s extreme communist and religious views, it seemed possible.
I indulge Leon when I finish studying. He knew I’d just had a period and would probably want to come in me every day until he leaves. When he falls asleep I sneak out the apartment to pick up Plan B and make a note to get birth control as soon as possible. I want to give Leon a son, but I need to finish undergrad before having another baby. The gun and my poor shooting skills would have to protect us for now.
At checkout
there is a rack of post cards. I grab one with a picture of the ocean on it and
scribble:
The ocean is beautiful. Wish you were here.
Then I send it off to Boston.
+++
The postcard comes back a week after Leon leaves.
RETURN TO SENDER
Is written on it.
I can’t find Sera or Paris on Facebook. On whim I type in Daphne and Harvard. I type in all the schools in Boston until I find her profile. I Friend her and she sends me a message immediately.
Hi. Hope you are well (:
I am. I’m trying to reach Seraphina. Can you help?
OH! She moved to D.C. last year))): Here is her P.O box…not sure if she wants me to give you her new phone number. Sorry!!
I buy a new postcard and let the girls put their handprint on it before sending it to D.C. Three months later Sera sends me a postcard with cherry blossoms on it. She’s doodled a cute picnic scene on the back. In return I send her a picture of the girls with Leon on the beach. She doesn’t respond.
I decide to start dating while Leon is away. I create dating profiles and engage in some mild internet flirting. My first real date is with Colt, a fellow poli sci major and non-traditional student. He’s a few years older than me and just getting out of the military. Harmony is so excited when I explain what a date is. She helps me get ready and pick out jewelry. I’m not sure how much she understands but I love having her support. Things go okay with Colt. We date for a few months. At first it is fun and invigorating being around someone I had so much in common with. I also decide to have sex with him. All the unexpected tension and anticipation is fun but the relationship just sort of fades.
It probably isn’t a coincidence that Colt and I end around the same time Leon gets enough leave to fly to California. I dutifully take the girls to pick him up. Harmony runs full speed towards her dad. Athena cautiously toddles up to him. Leon bows his head, visibly hurt by him how much Athena has grown
We have lunch at Olive Garden because it was now Harmony’s favorite restaurant. Leon is on edge the entire time.
“I’m getting deployed to Iraq again.” He says once we get into the car, “9 months.”
His mouth is set. I know he doesn’t want to go back. He’d lost faith in the war like so many secretly had.
“I’m sorry”, I whisper.
“You joined in ’06 right?” I ask later that evening. Leon’s hands tighten on thighs. He lowers his head and runs his tongue over my clit again.
“Why”, he asks fiddling with the sheer flowy skirt I’d sewed to a lace bra in an attempt to make some actually sexy lingerie.
“Didn’t you have the option to leave in 2010?”
“Got a bonus for staying.” He explains and lowers his head again.
“Fuck ... Leon, Maybe it’s time to reconsider.”
He just shakes his head which makes things more intense. He finally pulls away when my legs are shaking and sensitive. I barley have time to recover before he slips in from behind. I’d started Depo-Provera and hadn’t told Leon. I tell myself I would have gladly told him if he asked.
“You should come to Japan”, he says, “It’d be a great experience for the girls.”
“There are too many logistics to move.”
“That would be taken care of if we got married.”
“I’m not ready.”
“I don’t want anyone but you, Aria.”
Leon picks up the pace and I have to bite my pillow to keep quiet. Afterwards I pull the covers and rest my head on Leon’s chest.
“I’ve been sending postcards to Sera.” I confess.
“Why?” He says running his hands through my hair.
“If something happens to you I’ll need Sera. Besides if anyone can protect us from Helios, it’s her. We all escaped The Order and we need to support each other like other cult survivors do.”
Leon actual laughs.
“She crossed a line coming in to my house. This shit with Paris Prince doesn’t make any damn sense. She’s probably locked him down with a kid. I mean I thought he was gay.”
I shrug. My coursework taught me that you couldn’t assume. In high school the transfer student, Isobel, went on a date with him and she told me in Chemistry class that he was ‘a lot’.
“That’s not really our business. If Sera is in a better place we should try to connect. I want her in my daughter’s lives.”
“Do you want. It’s not like I can stop you.”
+++
When Leon heads back to Japan I make the decision to move back to Jacksonville. Partially because we had friends there and partially because it is a lot closer to Washington D.C.
I transfer to UNC and we downsize to a one-bedroom apartment. With Leon stationed in Japan, I didn’t really need a private bedroom anyway. The military spouses welcome me back and it’s good to be on familiar ground.
“What this?” Ainsley, asks holding up a postcard with black roses and red metallic font. I’d been so busy getting Harmony set up for school that our moving boxes had remained unpacked for months. Ainsley came over to help.
“I don’t know. Probably junk mail from California. You can throw it out.”
“Hmm…It looks like an escort service. Oops. Hope I’m not getting Leon in trouble.”
I snatch it from her. Leon had stopped seeing women years ago. Besides, the kind of brothels Leon used to visit didn’t send post cards.
“New Aeterna?”
I flip the card over to see a tagline that says boutique BDSM dungeon and studio. There is a little doodle in the corner. A pair of lips, a boot and what looks like handcuffs. I recognized the style instantly. The postcard was post was marked from a year ago.
After Ainsley leaves I dial the number on the card. It rings twice.
“New Aeterna”, I instantly recognize the strange accent on the other side. It was Paris Prince.
I hang up weirded out by whatever is going on. It was so strange that Paris Prince had picked up. Was the card a cry for help from Sera? It nags at me so I call again in the morning. This time someone else picks up.
“Yes.” A familiar voice says.
“Sera?” I start.
Sera hangs up and I feel like sobbing. Was she hurt? Was she being a bitch? I Google New Aeterna. I find a press release on a BDSM website of all things.
I click the link to the website. All the pages require membership except the ‘About page’. I am greeted with a stunning picture of Seraphina sitting on a plush velvet chair in the middle of a room with aesthetic dusky gray lighting surrounded by some….interesting looking items. She has on a form fitting dress with a generously photoshopped bustier top. I close the tab and remove the history. If Leon ever saw this he’d probably make it his new screensaver.
I corral the girls so I can start on breakfast. Harmony whines about the strawberries and if I wasn’t so shaken I’d have made her eat them. My cell phone rings and she dashes for it.
“No I don’t”, she giggles into the phone.
“Is that Daddy?” I ask, “Tell him what your dance teacher said about your routine.”
“It’s a bug”, Harmony says.
“Are you being silly, Sweetie?”
“That’s a bug”, Harmony says into the receiver, “You’re silly. I’m five years old. Mama’s cooking.
I drop the coffee I’m making and head over to her.
“Sweetie, is that Daddy?”
“No”
I grab the phone from her.
“Who is this?”
“…hi.”
“Sera? I can’t deal with bullshit—“
“I’m sorry I hung up. I was with a client. I couldn’t let him feel neglected. I didn’t realize you cursed now.”
I can’t believe I’m hearing what sounds like high heels in the background then the sound of a coffee pot burbling.
“I just found your card? We just moved back Jacksonville a few months ago. It must have gotten lost in the shuffle.”
“Good. I thought you disapproved and were cutting me off again. People are like that sometimes.”
It felt so good to hear her voice.
“Sera, you were cut off for assaulting my…Leon.”
“Yeah. That was fucked up. I don’t drink like that anymore."
“It’s not me you need to apologize to. Leon’s on deployment. I think it would mean a lot to him if you called. Nothing is guaranteed out there. You meant a lot to him.”
“I know. I’ve been thinking about him a lot…”
“Sera, please tell me Paris Price not pimping you out. Eastern Europeans get trafficked all the time. I just read this Buzzfeed article--”
Sera actually laughs, “It’s not like that. I started working as a Domme. There is no sex.”
“What…why?”
“Paris says it’s illegal.”
“No. Why did you become a Domme?”
“We needed the money.”
I put in my earbuds so I can pack my book bag and talk.
“What happened to Harvard and Paris’ money?”
Sera sighs, “Paris never had money. All the money Hmjeu left him paid for one year of college. Tell me about the girls.”
“Umm...Harmony and I are going to work on her Halloween Costume after school today. She wants to go as Raggedy Anne. Athena is going to be Alice in Wonderland”
“Will you send me a pictures? I’ll give you my address in New York.”
“I will.”
She breathes deep, “I really want to meet my nieces.”
“Oh. Ant”, I say realizing what Harmony said, “You said you were her Aunt.”
“She’s adorable. Last time I saw her she looked like a little Leon.”
“Sera, Leon told me that you were preg—“
“I don’t talk about that.”
“You sound like Leon.”
She exhales again, “Leon treated me like shit when I turned down his proposal. We were only nineteen. I made my choice. He made me feel like shit for it. He doesn’t know what the military was like for me. I loved serving but I hit a rough patch I couldn’t shake.”
“That’s fair.” I decide to shift the subject, “How long until there is a baby version of Paris in a little Oxford onesie.”
“Mmmm…I don’t think he can”, she says nonchalantly, “I’m really bad at the rhythm method.I did nothing for like two years. Never had a scare with him.”
Okay. So they were sleeping together.
“It’s probably stress. It will happen.”
“We don’t want kids. It’s fine.”
“Leon said it had probably already happened--”
“Of course Leon with the breeding kink thinks that.”
“SERA.”
“What? We used to trade porn.”
“Okay. This is not how I expected our reunion to go.”
“Sorry, I spend so much time in this shit I forget not everyone is an open book about kink.”
I hurry into the bathroom where the girls can’t hear me, “It’s only fair if you tell me a sex thing about Paris.”
I sort of regret it the minute I say it. Did I really want to know?
“Forget Paris”, she says, “I have this gorgeous Norwegian model with a dick piercing that is specially designed to stimulate the g-spot. Fucking waterworks. You have to be a certain size and I bet Leon would qualif-“
“Okay. I think we’ve overshared enough for one day.”
“…Tell Leon that I will…maybe call him next week.”
“Of course.”
“And that I’m sober. Or something close.”
“I will.”
+6+
Leon only has a second to process what he is seeing before Sera runs into his arms. The force of it sends him back a few steps. He finds his balance, tightens his grip and picks her up. I resist the urge to pull out my phone when I see the tinge of red in his eyes.
“I’m sorry”, I hear Sera say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“I didn’t mean it”, Leon says, “Fuck. Sera. I’m sorry.”
I had spent the last year and half building a bridge with Seraphina. I told her all about the girls and Sera told me about the periphery of her life; places she’d gone, people she’d fucked and new foods she tried. She strangely never talked about her job or Paris.
We did a few disastrous 3 ways calls with Leon. I was always the only one talking. The only thing they had in common was their past, so I encouraged them to write letters to each other about things they regretted and remembered from high school. Sera took her time handwriting each letter and decorating it with stickers and drawings. Leon sent me his deeply personal responses to print out and send to her. He asked me not to read them and I felt honored that he trusted me to do that.
After his deployment Leon applied for a transfer to Arizona because he wanted to be back in the U.S with his family. I missed Leon so much that I picked the girls up and followed him to Yuma. The girls were fussy about having to leave but they were military brats. They’d have to get used to it. On the plus side in the new house they each got their own rooms.
I was so busy with the girls, blogging and transferring to The University of Arizona that I missed one to many Depo Provera appointments and found myself with another surprise baby. I sent Sera a baby announcement and she sent a card addressed only to Leon. The card was stuffed with glitter and condoms. Leon actually laughed and sent her back a picture of his middle finger.
After we welcomed Helena Argos into the world, Sera invited us to New York City for Christmas. The day after Christmas Leon and I pack our three girls into the car and drove across the country in our brand new 2015 RAV4. It was all worth it to finally see them together.
Leon finally puts Sera down and gets a good look at how gorgeous she is. Her softly curled hair has a white gold ombre tone I’m instantly jealous of. Her lean legs looked longer in impossibly high black leather heels. I’d also never seen her in a mini dress before and it looks like she is sewn into the skin-tight leather bandage dress. I can’t really see her face under the makeup—all of the colors and blending over-exaggerates her eyes and lips while softening her strong jaw. She kisses Leon on the mouth, she either realize her missteps or is so excited she kisses me on the lips too. She smells like cake and frosting. I tease Leon’s jaw a little to remind him to close it.
The girls watch the exchange with some amusement but I can tell they are getting fussy—espeically Helena. She’d traveled so well for a five month-old. Sera sits on the lobby floor to get acquainted with Athena and Harmony.
Paris Prince makes his way into the lobby pushing a large luggage cart that looks like it could roll over his slight frame. Age has really done wonders for him. He’s grown into his deep set high cheekbones and softly chiseled features. He skin is pale and perfectly smooth. His poreless skin draws even more attention to his scars. His thick dark hair is neatly styled with a few stray pieces.
“Paris I barely recognize you.” I say
“Usually the scars give me away.” He says with a smile made all the more ghoulish with his scars. . I’ve never heard him talk about his scars before. Sera gives me a tenuous smile. She’d warned us about Paris’ missing memories. The fact that Paris was ‘crazy’ almost made Leon want to turn around. Before we got to the city I finally told him about Sera’s job and he almost drove off the turnpike.
“I know you”, Harmony says pointing at Paris.
“You do?” he says getting down to her level.
“You’re in Mommy’s book.” She shouts over to me, “Mommy he’s not scary.”
I want to dissolve on the spot.
“Not even a little bit?” Paris says and his soft voice is the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.
Harmony shakes her head confidently.
“You know what “, he says, “You’re not scary either.”
I expect to see Sera’s ovaries having a meltdown but she’s seemingly put off that Paris has taken the girls attention from her.
“I showed them my yearbook”, I explain as the girls run off to help Leon unload the car, “I didn’t know how they’d react.”
“It’s okay. It’s good to see you, Aria.”
He hugs me and I get a zing of peppery floral aftershave, “You too. I can’t wait to hear all about law school. I really want to go to Wake Forest or UNC. I’ll settle for UOA.”
“Let’s talk.”
+++
Pizza is waiting upstairs along with an ice cream sundae bar that puts my girls in a food coma. Sera’s neighbors stop by to help us eat. They are grad students and part-time nannies. I’d already agreed to let them watch the girls one night so the adults could have fun. The entire time I am sort of taken with Paris’s soft and gentle energy. I’d always loved his cultured American accent. He is still overly confident and a know-it-all but he also comes off as extremely vulnerable.
The girls
fall in love with the sleeping arrangements. Next to the sofa bed are two air
mattresses framed by princess themed tents with fairy lights and fresh flowers.
My blog has shifted to feminism and political commentary, but I would be for
sure posting about this on my Instagram.
“Are you sure you don’t want my bedroom”, Sera asks after dinner. She’d made herself comfortable on one of the girls’ beds while Paris made up the sofa bed.
“I don’t want to put you out.”
I settle on the other child-sized mattress. Leon is getting the girls showered and dressed for bed in Sera’s bedroom. I hadn’t anticipated Sera’s million-dollar condo having one bathroom.
I lay back on the mattress.
“This feels familiar.”
“It does”, Sera agrees. Our beds in The House had been similarly situated, “Remember I spent a year sleeping on my stomach and praying I wouldn’t get tits.”
“You almost suffocated.” I say.
She laughs, “Well at least it worked.”
When Paris goes into the bedroom to grab pillows I turn to Sera.
“So, I told Leon you could be his free pass.”
“What?”
“If you and Leon want to explore some physical things. He has a fee pass.”
“Now way”, Sera says thinking on it, “I can’t even imagine. I mean…no”
A phone buzzes and Sera pushes aside the three cell phones she’s been carrying all night. Paris comes when he hears it, “Darling, can I have my—“
“No. Finishing the sofa bed. Aria’s tired.”
“It’s fine—“ I start.
“No it’s not. Finishing making bed.”
By the time he finishes the sofa bed it has been outfitted with a plush memory foam topper and a variety of lumbar, bamboo and decorative pillows. The sheets smell like lavender and fresh cotton. It was a good thing Leon and I weren’t going to be alone out here.
Paris brings Sera a makeup bag filled with remover wipes and she give him his phone. I climb into the bed while Sera sits on the floor. We talk like being together is a normal end-of-day routine.
“Are you mad at Paris”, I whisper when he steps in to the hall to take a call.
She thinks on this, “No. Why? What did he do?”
“Nothing. He’s really sweet. Very chilled out since high school. You guys being together is just so unexpected.”
She looks back at her bedroom door and gets a little closer, “Our relationship works becuase I treat him more like a submissive than a husband.”
“Oh…so like that book?”
“Not really. I mean we do some BDSM, but in our relationship it’s his job to submit and please me. All the time. 24/7. He needs to be controlled to function. So that’s what I give him.”
I put my hand over my mouth, “Am I allowed to know this.”
She shrugs.
Before I can ask more questions the girls run back into the room and jump onto the sofa bed so Leon can read them a story. Sera climbs up on the sofa bed to join them. Helena settles in Sera’s lap and shows her Aunt how to select a book on the iPad. I sneak a few photos with my phone. For a few minutes Leon has the life he’d wanted to give her almost a decade ago.
I make my way to the bathroom. Paris jumps up when I enter Sera’s bedroom. I hadn’t even heard him come back in.
“Everything okay?” I ask seeing his phone light up with a long text message.
“Yes.”, His phone buzzes and he picks it up, “Sorry. That’s my girlfriend.”
“So, you’re not gay”, I blurt like an idiot.
He takes a few minutes to type a long response.
“I’m pansexual. I—well let’s just say growing up I genuinely assumed everybody just picked what sexuality they wanted for the day.”
“I’m sorry I said that. I just…want to make sure Sera isn’t being led on.”
“Never. Sera is the love of my life. She’s everything to me.”
Paris really was…whipped ?
“…what about your girlfriend?” I can’t help but to pry.
“We’re compatible. I love her a lot.” He explains and I can tell he doesn’t like the subject.
“Well, I’m sure after we leave Sera is going to want a baby.”
He smiles and there is something charming about those scars.
“If Sera asks for a baby, I will run to Arizona and hideout with you.”
“I don’t think my girls want share a room with Uncle Paris.”
“Uncle? Really?” He says contemplating the title.
“We all escaped…that town. We need to stick together. Welcome to the family.”
+++
“This one too”, Sera picks up bottle of the most intoxicating perfume from the display and adds it to the pile.
We were approaching the end of our trip. We’d left the girls and Leon at her condo so we could have some quality time. I expected brunch and martinis like Sex and The City—but Sera pulled a Samantha and had a friend of hers squeeze us in for a boudoir photo session.
We got our
hair and makeup done at a very high end salon and she insisted we buy our own
lingerie from a size- inclusive boutique on Madison Avenue. I didn’t complain
when Sera kept dropping a platinum card with some random man's name on it.
“Be honest if you’re not comfortable.” She had said once we get inside the photographers’ studio.
When the photographer started helping me pose I realized that up until that point I had really just been a boring suburban mom. This was my first excursion into being a fun outgoing free-spirited ‘cool’ mom.
“Fuck”, Sera said leaning into the monitor displaying my pictures “You’re so hot. Leon’s so fucking lucky.”
“Are you kidding me, Mrs. Prince”, I said gesturing to Sera who somehow made garter belts and thigh high look incredibly classy and elegant.
“Don’t ever call me that again.”
“Really? Even after Paris paid for all of this.”
She rolled her eyes, “With what money? Paris hasn’t worked a day in his life.”
Sera worked with the photographer to get exactly one shot that highlighted her long legs, ass and long hair. Afterward we stopped at Macy’s where she again swiped her credit card before I could reach for mine.
“Stop spending your money on me.”
“It’s not my money”, she says, “A friend gave it to me. He’s a Dom and like a millionaire. He said I could charge $5000.00 a month as long as I used it to treat myself or do something sexy for him.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m attractive and he likes fucking me. I never use it. That would give him way to much control in our relationship…but I want to make this trip special.”
“You have a sugar daddy and you’re still working full-time?”
Sera is quiet as we head outside.
“Paris is in a lot of debt”, she explains, “Paris went through a lot of credit cards in undergrad, he has a ton of shady student loans plus the business loans, my mortgage, his rent, his bills, my bill…the business bills. It just goes on and on and on…”
“Sera that’s a lot to put on you...”
“You know clients propose to me all the time. It’ so tempting. I just want to be a spoiled trophy wife so I can get some sleep. How much of a bitch does that make me?”
I loop my arm in hers
“You deserve to be spoiled. In my experience it’s actually pretty empowering having a partner who emotionally and financially supports you. It gives you space to go for what you are really passionate about.”
Sera stops walking, “That’s what I’ve done for Paris. He follows his passions and I have to pay the bills. Four degrees later and what does he have to show for it ? He doesn't even eat pussy. Paris is ambitious but he doesn’t have what it takes to be like the wealthy men I work for. Which means I’ll be exhausted until the day I die, because when he dies I have to take on his debt.”
Sera blinks and a few steaks of eyeliner run down her cheeks. How long had she been holding this in?
“Listen Sera. If Paris doesn’t have his act together by the time he turns 30, run and seduce whoever owns this platinum card into giving you a ring. I know you think Paris is your soulmate. But just because he is your soulmate doesn’t mean you have to be with him right now. You’ll be reunited in heaven.”
“He’s an atheist.”
“Uh. Well. How about we max out this credit card and worry about Paris’ eternal damnation later. You can tell your sugar daddy it was my idea.”
“Fine. Fuck, Aria you can’t ever leave me.”
+++
I know I’m tipsy but I still take the free birthday shot when the cute bartender offers it to me. Sera said this would be the last club we were going to so I want to make sure I enjoy it. When we walked into this club Sera got pulled in by some gorgeous British man and I sent her all the best vibes. I could see why she did this open marriage thing.
I head to the bathroom and Leon follows me.
“I’m fine”, I shout.
Leon still follows me and stands outside of the less than steady door of the single stall bathroom. Leon comes in when I’m washing my hands.
“You okay?” He asks.
“I’m a little tired”, I tell him honestly, “And my milk still hasn’t dried up. I need to pump.”
“Sera gave me her spare. We can catch a cab back.”
I look at Leon in the mirror. He’s leaning against the door and pulling up Lyft.
“Leon. I know this disgusting bathroom isn’t the place to say this but…thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. You didn’t owe me anything.”
“Just did what’s right.”
“I knew you would say that. And I know you actually mean it. That’s what I love that about you, Leon. I’m lucky to have you. This country is lucky to have you.”
I decide to unsnap and take off the shapeware keeping me in place so I can breathe. I hand express a little milk for a little bit of relief. Leon pushes off the door.
“Country won’t have me long.”
“What do you mean?”
“I put in for retirement next year.”
“Are you sure?”
He nods and I am so relived.
Leon makes his way over to me in slow strides. He pulls up the back of my dress. I’m still wearing the silk and lace corset thong from the photo shoot. He takes his time staring at it.
“Do you like those?” I ask.
He grunts a little in approval.
“Well, they cost more than our grocery bill.”
“Will they fit in my pocket?” He asks.
“Leon. We can’t.”
“Your tits and ass are already out. This won’t take long. Lean over the sink.”
It’s a team effort to figure out all the lacing. Leon’s eager hands sends a buzz through me. The second Leon stuffs the damp fabric in his pocket he starts fucking me. I’d never done this in heels before and my body felt longer and steadier. It feels even dirtier since he’s still dressed. I didn’t think we’d have any alone time on this trip so it’s not until he’s groaning and twitching inside of me that I remember I’ve taken zero precautions.
I want to keep this going but the bathroom is losing its charm. I’m sure Sera would be more than willing to give up her room for one night.
“Here”, I think he’s giving me my underwear back but he shoves a ring into my hand. It has a big amethyst surrounded by tiny diamonds.
“Are you proposing in a nightclub bathroom?”
“If I was would you say yes?”
“No”, I tell him, “You know I –“
“It’s not an engagement ring. It’s a…I don’t know. A promise ring.”
I don’t immediately say what I’m thinking. At 27 years-old I feel like I might be past promise rings. But I didn’t need a ring to know who I would be spending my life with.
“It’s beautiful. The girls are going to want one too when they see this.”
“The matching bracelets are in my suitcase.”
I decide not to tell Leon he’ll probably need to buy a 4th one. Leon buys me with a few more of my favorite shots. I’m close to blacking out when Sera text me to meet her outside. She clocks the ring instantly and I wonder if she helped pick it out.
“This was so much fun”, I wrap my arms around Sera, “I’m so glad we did this. I love you so much.”
“I know”, she says.
“Please take some time for yourself. Let that rich guy spoil you. You deserve a break.”
“Maybe. One day.”
“Soon. The
next vacation is on us !”
+7+
Two Years Later
Fall 2017
Hilton Head, SC
“I’m finally here”, I stage whisper while tip toeing into Sera’s villa.
The air conditioned beachside villa is a sweet reprieve from the humid sun. I pad into the bedroom where Sera has practically melted into the oversized round canopy bed. I barley register Paris neatly setting up her toiletries in the bathroom. I offer him a quick wave and plop myself down next to her. To my surprise the bed swings gently. The bed faces an open floor to ceiling window that is just a few feet from the resort’s private beachfront. Seraphina turns to face me and touches the top of her forehead to mine. For a while we just sit, swing and listen the waves. I close my eyes and imagine we are floating out there on the ocean. Just the two of together.
Her starched pale blue button up is half buttoned and tucked neatly into a pair of salmon Bermuda shorts. I run my fingers over her shaved undercut and the area seems ticklish. I could have spent the whole vacation like this.
We deserve this …don’t we?
“When did you get in?” I ask.
“30 minutes ago.”
“Please tell me that’s your Corvette outside.”
“It’s used”, she clarifies.
“This bed is so comfortable’, I say flipping on to my back. I still have my car keys and mommy-travel-bag slung over my body.
“You’re going to do all sorts of weird things in this bed aren’t you.”
Sera laughs, “Paris has his own room. It’s supposed to be a vacation”
Speaking of, Paris quietly enters and we share a conspiratorial glance. He sets two glasses of sparkling wine on the nightstand and quietly slips back out
“Come on, Sera. Let’s take the girls down to the beach. Persephone needs to meet her aunt”
“Right. The night club baby.”
“Stop it.”
Sera turns into her pillow, “I’m tired. I just drove 12 hours”
Sera couldn’t see my side eye. I highly doubted Paris had let her drive.
I’d only had a four hour drive since Leon decided to retire in Raleigh last year; just in time for me to start law school at Wake Forest. He’d started taking part-time contract security jobs to keep money coming in. He, Trent and a few Order survivors were looking into starting their own security firm next year.
I can hear the girls in the living room and Leon quietly shushing their questions. Sera reluctantly gets up. I take a brush out of my mommy-travel-bag and neaten out her top knot. I casually follow her into the living room. Sera hadn’t heard the backdoor open or picked up on the rattle of crystal beads and charms
Sera is complexly shocked when she see Hippolyta in the living room looking ethereal in a flowy eyelet skirt and loose turquoise blouse. A bag of watermelon sour patch kids are clutched in her ring covered fingers.
“Hey! Isn’t the sun fabulous? I’m going to get my chakra inline and get an amazing tan-“
Sera pulls Hippolyta into a hug that nearly knocks the air out of her.
Hippolyta’s wide smile breaks as she leans into the embrace.
“Is it really you?” Sera says. Tears are running down her face. “Oh my God. Hip.”
Sera wipes away the tears, clearly annoyed with herself. This amuses Hippolyta and she slips her arms around Sera's neck. Sera mouths something to her and Hippolyta and pulls her in for a kiss like an entire decades hasn’t passed.
“Wow", It takes Hippolyta a minute recover then looks at me, "Well, I
couldn’t let you two have all the fun.”
Hippolyta opens her arm and invites me into their embrace. I hold on to them as tightly as I can.
“We find our ways don’t we?” Hip says more to herself.
The girls get excited and join in our group hug dragging their father with them. For years I thought The House and The Order was my safe place. But it never was. Seraphina, Hippolyta, Leon, my daughters an the sisters I left behind are my safe place. This won’t be my last reunion. I’ll get every single one of my sisters out. No matter how long it takes.
For right now I am so glad to finally be home.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Lol, remember when I said I just sort of ended this serial? I wasn’t lying. I had no there there. The ending was written first. I just finessed it to fit into the serial. It was originally a bonus ending for AYC because I wanted to reunite Aria, Sera and Hippolyta. This should have been the last story in the series because it bring us back to the AYC Epilogue
I HAVE ZERO PLANS OR IDEAS—but I’d love to write a cozy murder mystery about this group’s vacation at a posh Hilton Head resort. I have no idea what would the crime would be or any of the plots or whose POV. I only feel like Hip would be falsely accused.
Paris again gets lost at the end. He’s not included in the big reunion hug because this is more about survivors of The Order. At this point he knows he’s not one of them.
Okay, next up is HER LONG NIGHT.
This novella takes place a few months before AYC and is a night in the life of one of New York City’s hardest working Dommes.