“Do you remember me?” he said.
Did I remember him? The man who had taken a seat at the end of the bed.
I waited for the words to form. Only the most important ones made it.
“Plane”
I remembered being in a cell on the boat. I smelled the ocean. I was leaving that hell for another one. New. .New Aeterna? Helios? I remember the door to the portable cell opening. I remembering wanting to be blindfolded, to be numb.
The shadows were different. It all happened so fast. They broke my chains on my wrist.
They were gone.
They were gone.
I was gone.
The light was blinding and I could smell the ocean and oil on the military cargo ship. I could hear the thrumming of helicopters, bullets and a plane. I was pushed on to a rope ladder, pulled and tugged up into the sky. Toward the clouds. Everything hurt. Too much light. Too much noise.
This wasn’t heaven. There were no Angels or gods waiting at the top
It was a devil with a smile and a scar.
That was days ago? Wasn’t it ?
The devil drowned me in water. Hot, high pressure unforgiving water. Water that smelled like cotton and lavender.
“Shut the fuck up”, a man screamed, “What the hell is wrong with her?”
There’d been restraints, injections, invasions, sleep and drugs.
. . . Isobel ?
Isobel holding my hand.
“Do you remember me”, the devil on the edge of the bed said again.
I did.
I remembered a soft smile. A silly school-girl crush on a sweet man I’d kissed so long ago. I remembered an. . . . affair ? Passion, danger, destruction.
I hadn’t thought of it in years.
“Paris Prince.”
His eyes filled with water and spilled over. Water, water everywhere--
“Do you remember that night at St. Lilith’s? When the SGI, well they are called Helions now, came for us. They wanted exterminate the Demons. We all ran and…”
“I left you behind.” Is that my voice?
“No. It was raining. You were . . . It wasn’t your fault. I never thought---God what happened to you? Seraphina I…God, Seraphina.”
The mirrors are all covered, he covers me up.
“Bad”, Bad summed it up.
He spoke again.
“…Leon said during the extraction you said your son wasn’t on board... but he was. I don’t know why you lied but we think –“
“No.” I don’t mean ‘no’. I mean other words. My words were gone.
“I—I. . .um… we think he was taken to New Aeterna. As a Helion he should be safe there. But we can go after him if you want”
“No.”
I know that word. It doesn’t mean anything. It means nothing.
You mean nothing.
“You were in Cuba for for five years, Seraphina.”
Three I’d always guessed.
He continued to speak.
“The world has changed, Seraphina. I don’t know how much you know?”
“New Aeterna? Bad Angels. Dead soldiers. Angry humans.” Words. I had more words.
I’d heard things on radios. Things I wasn’t supposed to hear. Had it really been 5 years?
“Seraphina do you remember Isobel and Leon?”
Yes
“Well Seraphina, They started a resistance. They’ve sort of put me in charge. We help people escape. We’re building a rebel army to take Helios down. Its dangerous being here, this is our new safehouse… I courted a rather wealthy benefactor. Pardon our dust. It’s still under construction.”
Smile
He smiled
“Nothing”, I said?
“What was that?” His smile is gone.
“. . . told the Americans nothing. The humans. I told them nothing about our people or Helios, or . . . you. Silent. Always.”
He stares . . . at me.
“Seraphina you are 27 pounds underweight.”
Numbers he was talking numbers. His jaw tight.
“They starved you”, he said, “They abused the fuck out of you for five years and did God knows what else and you never told them anything. Not even about the white gold being able to kill us?”
Titus never talked
Memnon never talked.
Why should I ?
“Kill one Angel . . . kill them all.”
“I don’t know whether to be upset or admire your fidelity to our secrecy.”
You
I
Talk.
“I was afraid of---I. . . . Was more afraid of Helios at first. Then I didn’t want them to win. Bad men. All bad men. All---”
Breathe
Breathe
No that’s to fast.
It’s too much
“Calm down” he says, “You are hyperventilating. It’s a lot to handle after being confined. It’s fine.”
His hands movde fast, not as fast as their hands. I can get away from him. The floor is smooth, but my soles still burned. The door doesn’t open and I can’t. . .fuck I can’t stand anymore.
“I’m sorry”, he said, “I’m sorry. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to touch you”
He opened the door and left, there are two women standing in his wake. Two very beautiful women.
Isobel and…
“. . .Diana”, Isobel said, “She runs a safehouse out of her restaurant. I thought you could stay there while you heal.”
This Diana helped me back to my bed but I watch as Isobel whispered to Paris whose hands are very safely behind his back. Isobel lead him out of the room. They stood so close, hands entwined, heads bowed to each other.
Then I remembered who Isobel is
+++
Around
And Around
And Around
It’s 270 steps around Sweet Sights. Diana’s restaurant ia more known for the dancing girls than the food. At night I can leave the hidden away basement and watch the pretty girls dance from the shadows and remember the feeling of desire.
In the daytime I walk. It feels like a high whenever I take the next step. Like a mistake. I’m getting away with something. Suffering would come. It had to. It always did. It never did. It never would again.
Time started again. It came and went between magazines, newspapers and television. So much had changed. Too much. I needed to walk. I had to walk before I could fight.
Her Volkswagen was bright green, Diana carries a crate from inside the small car to the restaurant. I like the restaurant much more than the basement with its rows of beds and runaways from New Aeterna. Each with their own horror stories.
It was empty inside the bar. Music was on the speakers. Diana didn’t look like a dancer now, but the way she moves her hips to the music she must have been in another life. Humans have those somehow. Other lives. I watch her clean the tables and disinfect the leather seats. Clean is beautiful. Clean is good. Clean keeps you sane. Routine. Hell. Routine. Hell.
Fuck
I take a rag and join her in cleaning. Not the dancing. Not yet.
“You shouldn’t”, Diana says. She is afraid of me. I was a . . . Helion. That’s what they called us. His fucking namesake, “You need to rest and you still need to put on some weight.”
I didn’t know the words that came next or how to put it.
“Paris will kill me if you hurt yourself.” she says
“I can . . . clean.”
“But”
“I liked my cell neat”, I say not knowing how or what else to say. It was true. Two perfectly folded blankets. Clean concrete floor, bucket, and dry shower head. Hot water for cleaning. Cold for bathing. Never for drinking. Only if desperate. Usually desperate.
“Fine, but just the tables and the counters… maybe the poles since you’re tall enough to reach. Don’t be stingy with the disinfectant, I have tons.”
Then she smiles
So, I smile back.
+++
“Then there is the Aerial Forces.”, Paris Prince didn’t look at the grass, or sky or tree when he talked. Did he see the green grasshoppers? Pretty? “They are a division of the Helion Forces, That’s the Helion military. The Aerial Forces display their wings as they patrol the skies. The DMZ, that’s the land between the New Aeterna border and US, it’s complexly abandoned. Anyway, that’s why we sneak people out underground. Helios has eyes in the sky.”
“Aerial.”
“Yes. Now the ground forces carry guns. Humans aren’t allowed weapons. Oh, and the white gold. Helios had all of the white gold removed from the city. Imprisoned jewelry suppliers. Humans haven’t picked up on it yet. Now, we get most of our intel from humans who have escaped New Aeterna. It's awful for humans there.”
He begins to shout in his soft voice over the motorcycles coming down the single lane road. I can still see Sweet Sights, but we are so far away. Diana says five miles out there is a strip mall with a gas station, check cashing store, thrift store, Rite Aid and bus station. I hadn’t made it five miles yet but perhaps I would today. Maybe he would join me.
“It’s like fucking North Korea. No info gets in or out. Some Mexican and Canadian journalist went in to do a special report and where thrown in prison. The Cartel made a deal with Helios to get the Mexicans out. Canada had to negotiate but they didn’t have anything Helios wanted. Guess you can’t trade free health care.”
“Helios.”
He stops walking and smiles at me, when he does I feel my heart move.
“It’s just pretty shitty. We just need to regroup and once we get a trained army we should be ready to go against him. This operation we’re running here is completely private, no nation wants to get officially get involved in helping people escape but a few have donated. Diana’s been a lifesaver. Do you know how many politicians go to her club? There is something about Jersey girls.”
The motorcycles and a red SUV are still behind us. Their engines purr as they circle us. They are all men in leather jackets that say “Hell’s Angels”
It’s. . . funny.
They slow to a stop and dismount their bikes. They can’t tell my sex. I hid it so well. They won’t touch you.
“Shit”, Paris says. Nice men like him shouldn’t use language like that, “Bounty hunters. This is why I don’t leave the safe house. Helios has a 40 million dollar bounty on me. We need to run. They will shoot lead bullets so pretend to be hit, stay down. Don’t let them get you in the car. I hit a panic button on my phone. Callum will be here any minute to rescue us.”
The biker’s first shot is a warning shot and it warms my blood. It’s a lovely sound. One I knew intimately because of Hmjeu. He loved the art of the weapon so much that he started making them. He liked teaching me to use them, he said his boys couldn’t be trusted. That his favorite. His Prince was to pure for something so deadly.
Helios understood the beauty of a gun too, but he was attracted to the destruction. So I became too. A bullet made a sound judgement. It was resolute.
They shoot Paris first and before I can blink I’m in front of him. The force of the bullet tears through the sweatshirt, t-shirt and just barley splits my side. I hit the ground hard
“Run, Paris.”
Paris runs. He’s gotten better at running.
One of the pigs flips me over, looking for the blood that won’t flow. I can feel their breath over me, pulling on my sweatshirt.
“Is he dead? I know you hit him—“
I let my eyes open. I see the man’s unguarded gun first and I take it . It’s heavy and showy. Somehow it all comes back to me . The way Hmjeu taught me to hold it and the way Helios taught me never to hesitate. .
The man infront of me takes a bullet to the head and so does the man next to him. The one behind me swallows his. The fourth biker has caught Paris. He handcuffs Paris and drags him to the red SUV, before he can reach the door the bikers left hand becomes a bloody mess, his heart is next and he’s dead before he can process his hand has been shot off.
The gun is old and large, I drop it with its dead owner. They can’t hurt you anymore.
“What did you do?”, Paris asks.
“I didn’t. . . I. . .”
He smiles and takes my hands.
“You did that so fast. How. . .”
“It . . . came to me.”, he kisses my hand
“This isn’t really how we operate. Look, Seraphina I can’t kill every person who comes after me. If I did—“
“There would be no one left to come after you. You wouldn’t have to look over your shoulder or live in fear. You could be free.”
“…uh. Yes. I suppose but--”
Another big car speeds down the street almost running over the leather bound angels from hell. Several Demons get out and an Angel. The Angel mouths something to me.
“What the hell”, A Demon says, “Paris, this is why you aren’t supposed to leave the safehouse. What the hell were you doing?”
“I just wanted some fresh air, Callum.”
“You’ve never wanted fresh air before” He looks at me. They all keep looking at me, “I’ll get Damien to slice and dice and make our friends here disappear. These are some big dudes.”
“Helios sent them?”, I ask out loud. But quietly.
Helios with his hunger, his ambition, his fist, his palms, his hands on my neck. Being subject to his cruelty, his ambitions and his men. It’s been five years but I will never forget.
“Basically.”, Callum said
“Then send them back to him.” I say.
“What?”
“Send them back to Helios. Piece by piece and tell him if he wants Paris he should come after him himself and get through me.”
“You don’t call the shots. That’s too much work. Go sit in the car and shut up.”
“I’ll do it. I’ve got nothing but time.”
“No.”
“Callum” Paris speaks, “I think she’s right. Let’s let Helios know what we are now capable of.”
“Fine, but I’m keeping an eye on her. You drive, Angel?”
Did I?
“I don’t know.”
“Looks like these guy’s car wasn’t registered, it’s not worth shit.”, he throws the keys to the red SUV at my feet, “It’s all yours.”
+++
I don’t know who is in the mirror. I can only look at her long enough to put on lipstick and line my eyes. That also comes to me. Like the guns and kissing. The dress is secondhand-- thin and white, it clings to this sad emaciated form.
I’ve been married before. . . I’ll be married again. It is just the way of things.
The hibiscus flowers are fake, but at least they smell nice.
When the door opens I expect Paris to drag me down to the beach, but Callum steps in. He has untrustworthy eyes.
“This is all bullshit.” He says, “Paris does this, okay. He’s got all this wisdom about hope and peace. He’s got all these lofty plans about liberating New Aeterna and sure he saves people but he does this.”
‘What?”
“The way he is? All the charming pacifist righteous hopeful shit. They buy it. Women eat it the fuck up. The daughters of a refuge families, college chicks, Ex-military activist. He falls for them hard, they want to change the world right along with him. Then after a few months and what must be damn good sex, his girlfriend’s realize he’s just a tailor with a lot of good intent but to broken and powerless to do shit. He’s been engaged three times in three years. ”
“We’re getting married in 5 minutes.”
“Seraphina, you know he’s only marrying you because he’s a coward who wants you to protect him. You aren’t that stupid.” He sets down a check, “You’ve got a fake I.D. Start over. Take this and go. I’ll hold him off if I need to.”
Callum leaves.
I arrive at the altar five minutes early.
It’s cold. The music is the roaring ocean and birds. Callum marries us quickly. There are short traditional vows and a vodka induced reception at the Crab Shak.
I don’t drink and neither does he. I can’t hold his hand because of his warm skin. I can’t get to close or my Angel brethren frown or the Demons look away . . . or Isobel bites her tongue.
But he didn’t ask them if he could do this.
He didn’t ask them if this was finally okay for Angels and Demons to be one.
He asked me.
After I did a terrible thing, to some terrible men who were certainly going to do terrible things. He asked me because I couldn’t sleep. Because I walked around for hours and hours past midnight with my hands in my pockets. He followed me and asked
“What’s going on with you?”
I’d said
“I don’t sleep.”
He’d said.
He’d said cheerfully
“Why not?”
“There is so much blood on my hands.”
He'd taken my thin frail hand and inspected it in the dark
“I don’t see any blood.”
“I do.” Between the nails.
Now there is very little blood on my hands.
Just a tiny diamond ring and thick gold band.
Then we’re alone. For the first time in what might be forever. Sex is
“Whatever you want to do”
Which isn’t much, but enough. There is a barley pleasure but I am used to that.
“The world suddenly feels like a much better place”, he says putting his softening penis away, “I’m so happy I found you again. I’m never going to let anyone hurt you ever again, Sera. We’re going to protect each other. Nothing is going to separate us again.”
Words
It was all just words that would be tested over and over again.
Author’s Note
So in New Aeterna Seraphina has a red SUV, this is where she got it from! I know…no one cares.
Also, Sera killing bounty hunters was supposed to be an “episode” in New Aeterna but I cut it. So look SHV, your advice worked in retro !