+1+
“JUDSON! HURRY THE FUCK UP I GOTTA GET MAMA TO THE DOCTOR!””
Something bangs against the trailer and I sit straight up. My first thought is gunshot, so I run into the living room where the girls are sleeping. Elijah is sleeping in the playpen with Garnett just as he had been all week. I hear footsteps thundering down the hall and I peer out the kitchen window and see a pink hatchback parked on the lawn.
A tall woman in a leopard print tank top and red skirt picks up a platform shoe that she’d clearly thrown at the trailer. Her long black hair is in a ponytail with long blunt bangs, her pale skin stands out against her messy bright red lipstick and winged eyeliner.
Judson throws open the door and points his middle finger at her.
“Don’t fuck with my house, my kids are sleeping. Just stay out there I’m coming.” Judson shouts from the door.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going in there with what’s- her-face in there.” The woman yells. She is wearing a lot of make-up but she looks to maybe be in her early 30s.
An older woman in the passenger seat rolls down the windows, she’s very large sized with an equally pale smooth complexion, her long gray hair is also in a high ponytail with a big leopard print scrunchie. She sneers as Judson retreats and spits on the grass. The older woman notices me and squints. The younger woman puts her hands over her mouth and starts jumping up and down excitedly in her platform heels
“Oh my God, Tomas is that you!” I see Tomas has opened the bedroom window and
waives to the younger woman, “Judson says I can’t come in, Tomas. Heeey!”
“Veronica!” Tomas yells back through the window, “Nice ink.”
Veronica spins showing off the bow tattoos on the back of her thighs. The older woman I assume is Veronica’s mother lays on the horn. The noise has woken up the girls who are now busy switching the DVD player back over to the cable box for their morning cartoons.
I wish I could say what Tomas told me about his childhood made it easier to stay in North Carolina but the truth was it made it more of a burden. This trial became something I felt I had to not that I wanted to do. I had known Tomas had a rough childhood and he only shared bits and pieces that I realize I should have learned about when we first met.
The next day he acted as if nothing had happened but I still carried it. If I wasn’t going to prep for the trial Elijah and I usually stayed inside the trailer with Katie and the girls. I’d started to the grocery store where I’d carefully budgeted out funds to keep us afloat until Tomas got paid.
It was slow here, sometimes the girls would want to pull me into play with them but it didn’t take long for them to get wrapped up in the TV again. Waking up to all the shouting had jolted me out of the predictable pattern of the past few weeks.
“Just stay in their baby”, I can hear Judson talking softly to Katie, “She’s just acting like a fucking banshee this week. Got her damn mama with her. Go back to sleep, baby.”
Judson runs down the hall carrying a bundle of blankets, he moves past me so quick that I just barely register that tangle of arms and legs are sticking out from the bundle he is carrying. I do a double take and follow him out the door to make sure I saw that right. Did I see that right?
He hands the bundle to Veronica and I see another flash of small fragile limbs sticking out of the dirty blanket. Judson runs back inside the trailer and thunders down the hall. He runs back out this time carrying a small oxygen tank and a portable DVD player. He grabs some of the DVDs from the girl’s movie pile in the corner and Evianna throws a fit and tries to stop him, but Judson just pushes her aside and runs back outside. Evianna immediately runs to me to comfort her, I pick her up even though she’s a little heavy and walk back to the front door.
“Run, Fatboy”, Veronica’s mom cackles as Judson throws the stuff in the trunk and slams the door. I’m standing at the door with Evianna and fighting the urge to yell at these people. What was happening?
“She ain’t that pregnant”, Veronica said glaring at me.
“That’s Tomas girlfriend”, Judson says storming back into the house. I move toward the car but Veronica gets into the passenger seat and drives off before I can get closer. Veronica’s mother sticks her middle finger out the window, but I take it that’s for Judson not for me.
“What the hell”, I say to the first adult I run into who happens to be Tomas. He looks just as confused as I am, but less alarmed. Evianna runs back to join her sister as Judson thumps back down the hall to his bedroom. I follow after Judson, I don’t know why…something just comes over me.
“Judson”, I call out almost crossing the invisible line that separated the parts of the trailer, “Judson—“
“Let it go”, Tomas says grabbing my arm as Judson slams his bedroom door so hard it makes the entire trailer shake.
+++
I couldn’t stop thinking about that little arms dangling from the folds of the blanket. Judson was in a terrible mood and Tomas wouldn’t say a word to me about what happened.
“Tomas are we going to ignore this?” I asked while he pulled on a shirt. It was on inside out and he cursed and fixed it, “I think—“
“Shhh, Sofia”, he whispered throwing his sketchbook and tattoo equipment in his bag, “The walls in this trailer are thin. Let me talk to Judson…but it’s none of our business. We’re just renting a room.”
“Who was that woman ?”
“Veronica Tolson”, he whispered.
“What about—“
“Fuck”, he shouted and bent down low in his chair. Elijah who had just been whining started crying.
“Tomas”
“God, I’m in so much fucking pain. Fucking spasm came out of nowhere… Shit.”
“Maybe you can take one more painkiller”, I suggest, “I won’t tell Dr. Lane.”
“No. Fuck. It’s fine. I just need to change clothes.”
I get Elijah settled and help him change his pants. His hands are shaking and I don’t know if it’s the pain or Judson yelling his name down the hall.
“Just breathe through it.”, I said after repacking his bag, “Try not to focus on it.”
“Fuck that”, he says, “You have no fucking idea.”
I decided to stay in the bedroom until he and Judson leave for the shop. I could hear Judson snapping at the girls and Katie through breakfast. He was not in a good mood.
When Tomas and Judson leave for work I leave the room and help Katie clean the kitchen, while the girls settled comfortably in front of the TV. Between legal appointments and helping Katie with household projects there was never a shortage of things to do, a part of me wished I could be a homemaker for more than just the summer. I could finish my bachelor’s with a higher GPA and get started on my master’s without a demanding work schedule that left Elijah in daycare.
Instead of daydreaming I sat at the counter flipping through the SUNY catalog for my fall classes.
“Katie”, I ask still flipping, “What happened this morning”
“I don’t know I was asleep. This baby is wearing me out.” she says laughing with her hand on her fully belly.
“But Katie those blankets.”
“Is that a college catalog?” she asks changing the subject, “I was thinking of doing cosmetology after graduation, but I also kind of want to run a daycare or be a teacher. I mean I probably want to take a year off and wait until Judson and I are married but I feel like there are so many choices.”
I’m a little disappointed in Katie for some reason, but I wasn’t going to push. We talk about college a little bit more before she starts her chores. She was seven month along an at this point she was waddling around the trailer picking up after the girls and vacuuming. At eighteen she was handling her third pregnancy well. She gets on the phone with her mom for a little bit and after a while she goes to her bedroom for her midafternoon map with Garnett.
I take a peek in the fridge and find some bread and cheese singles squished behind some beer. The girls watch me with interest as I look through the cabinets for a pan and spatula. When I start making grilled cheese, they abandon the TV and start to help. I find everything in the butter container except butter, so the girls make a game of trying to find as many butter packets as they can in the fridge to toast the bread.
“Thank you, Ms. Sofia”, Evianna says and Tammi-Lynn parrots her once I get the sandwiches cut and served. I had to make the few slices of bread and stump stretch, but I cut the sandwiches in small shapes so they wouldn’t notice.
“You’re welcome”, I say sitting next to them as another episode of Hannah Montana starts up again,
“Did your Daddy scare you this morning?” I say looking at Evianna. She was the older of the two and being Judson’s daughter I thought she may be able to tell me a little bit more about this morning.
Tammi-Lynn and Evianna laugh, “He don’t like getting up early. Mama Katie says he’s a big baby.”
“Hey, I’ve been here a week and I’ve never seen you room. Can you show Elijah and me?” I whisper so we don’t wake Katie.
“Why”, Evianna says, “Ain’t nothing in there and Daddy don’t let us use that TV.”
“Let’s just do it for fun.” I suggest
Tammi-Lynn and Evianna take me down the hall to their room, loudly shushing each other because Katie was sleeping.
I figure the kid’s room must be the master bedroom because it’s the largest. Garnett’s crib is in the corner and along the walls are bunk beds, Evianna scrambles to the top of hers to show me how fast she can get into it. Tami-Lynn laughs with her thumb in her mouth and jumps on to her bottom bunk. I notice her dad’s high school graduation picture is tapped up on the wall.
The walls are painted lilac with white stars, I can see where the girls or Garnett has scribbled a little on the walls. The room is a little messy, the floor is covered with Barbies, baby dolls and Legos. All of Garnett’s baby toys are swept into a corner.
There is a small twin bed sitting on top of a box spring in one the corner of the room, a pink sparkly canopy hangs crookedly over it. A portion of the wall behind the canopy bed is covered in drawings and cut out of Disney princess. The bedsheets are Little Mermaid themed with Beauty and The Beast pillows Next to the bed are two stacks of diaper boxes, and a few expired cans of oxygen covered in rust, yellowed oxygen tubes are scattered around. The bed has a familiar sick smell to it I recognize from the hospital.
At the foot of the bed is a rolling cart that had been painted yellow and decorated with stickers, on top of it there is a TV/DVD combo playing The Princess and the Frog. I turn off the little TV, which has been decorated with a stickers including the letters CH R Y.
The realization hits me so hard I have to sit on the floor, my sudden movement causes Elijah to start crying but I can barely hear him. There had been another little girl in this house and I hadn’t even noticed? We’d been here for two weeks and I’d never even noticed?
The girls are already getting restless and are drawing on the walls.
“Very cool room”, I tell them tearing my eyes away from the canopy bed. “I love all the stickers. Thanks for showing us.”
The girls race back to the living room but before I close the door I can’t help but to inspect the yellowing oxygen tubes in a pile by the canopy bed. The door to the Judson’s bedroom is ajar and I can see Katie sound asleep with Garnett. The walls in her and Judson’s room are painted dark blue with signed motocross poster hanging up and a TV bigger than the one in the living room. Piles of maternity clothes and baby clothes are on the floor. I head back out to the living room and wait until commercial break to ask the girls more questions.
“You and Tami-Lynn share you room with another little girl?” I ask casually.
“Daddy’s baby!” Tammi-Lynn exclaims still enthusiastically eating the cold sandwiches.
“She’s sick”, Evianna says.
“She’s been here the whole time? Why didn’t we meet her?”
“She’s bad and mean!” Tammi-Lynn says turning up the TV for Wizards of Waverly Place.
Whatever happened this morning wasn’t a bit out of the ordinary for them. I started to possibly understand why Katie never strayed too far from the trailer, but how could I have been so oblivious. I start giving Elijah his lunch when my cellphone rings, for some reason the sound always gets Elijah hollering.
“Hello?” I try to adjust the phone under my chin.
“Sofia? It’s Martina. You were supposed to be here for cross prep an hour ago. Cartwell is having a fit.”
I almost curse but catch myself. I’d been so rattled I’d forgotten all about my meeting.
“I’m sorry, I got caught up with something. I’m on the way.”
+++
I called out to Katie that I was leaving and hurried to put Elijah in the car.
It took me ten extra minutes to convince the girls I couldn’t take them to what
they called “the city” with me. Once I
got across the bridge my gas tank was very close to empty. This van was not
fuel efficient at all. I only had $28 in
cash so I put it last of it in the gas tank and put the rest on my credit card.
I drove to the office park and saw Cartwell’s white SUV was outside.
“Sorry, I’m late”, I said setting Elijah up in a corner. I’d fed him some baby food at the gas station but he’d thrown up his lunch on the way over to the office. I remind myself to clean out the car seat in Martina’s bathroom before leaving.
“Don’t be late for court”, Cartwell snaps once I set Elijah down.
“Sorry—“
“Don’t apologize”, Martina says glaring at Cartwell, “She’s driving all the way from Riverside in this heat.”
“Sofia”, Cartwell says, “We were supposed to prepare you for the defense teams cross examination…but I took a look at the primary defense they are presenting.”
“Okay”, I said taking out a notebook and pen I’d borrowed from Tomas.
“They have some mid-priced woman owned Evangelical law firm representing him.” Martina prefaced.
“Right”, Cartwell said, “Anyway their defense is Allen Fenton is not mentally capable for the actions he is being accused. He has a very low IQ and has been sheltered his entire life. His mother also pushed him to become a CNA like her, but she didn’t realize how bad his training was. They want to pin this on the hospital. Fenton was unfit to be a CNA at the hospital, and that his lack of skills, professionalism, training and low IQ lead created an environment that led you to misinterpret his bumbling attempts at caretaking as rape.”
“That is such bullshit.” I hadn’t meant to curse in front of Elijah he’d heard enough of that language, “He was bad at his job so I’m lying?”
“Allen’s mom admits she pushed him to join the program and says she helped him cheat on the certification test. Because the hospital needed more male CNAs they weren’t that selective. His mother Loretta Fenton worked at that hospital for 26 years, she was well known and the staff covered for his shortcomings as a favor.”
“I didn’t know any of that was going on.” I tell her and I look to Martina to gage how I should feel. Cartwell just goes on.
“Fenton says they put him to work with no guidance or supervision. That everyone expected him to figure things out on his own. He says he knew the work wasn’t for him but he was making 34,000 a year and he had a sick father to support.”
I was starting to feel sick.
“He says, and I quote ‘I didn’t like the critical care ward but that’s where they put me. I was afraid of the patients. They were in comas. I was afraid I’d break one of them. They told me most of them were vegetables so you couldn’t break them. But I was still scared. I did the best I could to keep them happy. I didn’t know they was alive. I only did my job. They said they were vegetables. I couldn’t break them. I didn’t know how to do anything right.”
“I wasn’t a vegetable.”
“I know”, Martina says attacking a dry erase board with a marker.
Cartwell continued, “. The defense will say that he wasn’t capable of learning how to care for patients and everyone was too busy to notice. But I don’t entirely buy it. I think he told Nurse Cici that lie about the tampons to cover his tracks and I think his mom may have helped. She may have known something was going on, but she didn’t want to face what was really going on.”
I just stared at her. This man who haunted every day of my life been such a stranger to me. He didn’t seem like some dark angel out to get me. He seemed sick and confused in a way I didn’t know how to deal with.
“Is this really how this works?” I asked, “ We poke holes in their defense they poke holes back at us What about the truth.?”
“There is no truth”, Cartwell said, “The truth can be everything, nothing or something. We know he raped you and maybe it wasn’t on October 8th. Maybe you are misremember some facts, maybe you had a few bipolar episodes and some it was in your head. The truth is there probably was a tampon incident, he probably did touch you or hurt you by mistake, but he probably also did things on purpose. The truth is irrelevant. Loose facts and reasonable doubt are all we have.”
+2+
Tomas is waiting for me on the lawn when I get back to the trailer. I have two heavy reusable Whole Foods bags on my shoulder and Elijah on my other side.
“Is Judson in there”, I ask.
“Look he asked me to talk to you about this morning. He didn’t like you making a scene this morning and upsetting the girls.’
“Tomas. I wasn’t making the one making a scene.”
“I know, and this is such dumb shit, but he also didn’t appreciate you cooking with his food and not washing the dishes.”
“The grilled cheese? I made a snack for the girls and I had to rush to the law office. I’ll apologize if that’s what he wants. I didn’t even eat any of it.”
“Well, I already paid him the rent for next month”, Tomas says taking Elijah from me, “and we’ve been kind of taking free meals from him and Katie and he doesn’t have that kind of money. So let’s just try to keep it civil.”
“You advanced him our rent? What if we need that money?”
“He needed it to cover the rent at the shop, if the shop goes out of business then I won’t have a job.”
“Did you know there was another child in the house?”
“No, I swear.” He whispers because I guess Judson is inside, “I mean I knew Veronica and Judson had a kid after I left town but I didn’t know she was there. Judson didn’t want to talk about it. I think she’s sick or something”
“He still should have told us. It’s awful, Tomas. I went to the kids’ room. It’s a mess, it’s no wonder the girls are never in there. Nothing is properly cleaned and—“
“Sofia, we’re not supposed to be on their side of their trailer, how you would feel if he went through your shit. We can’t go around invading their privacy.”
“Its child abuse “, I tell him, “You should see that room.”
“That’s what Maddie and Eric’s neighbor though too when CPS took Elijah. You can’t judge him, he’s trying to make ends meet just like the rest of us. He’s doing the best he can. Judson hasn’t had fucking health insurance or a steady paycheck since he hurt his back working on the mountains.”
“He doesn’t seem to have any back problems until he goes to get his disability check.” I remark remembering how he’d helped me carry the luggage in and how he horse-played with Garnett and the girls.
“Sofie, really you think you have a moral compass after cheating on me?”
This was not about us.
“What happened to her?” I ask.
“Judson didn’t want to talk.” Tomas looked around and lowered his voice, “Bobby, the other guy in the shop, told me Veronica drank a lot before she realized she was pregnant.”
“Fetal alcohol syndrome doesn’t do that.”
“I don’t know he said something about fucking vaccines--but Sofia, you’re not an expert. Just please promise you will keep your boundaries. Please. And what the hell are these bags?”
He gestures to the Whole Food bags.
“I had to get some real food. Elijah cant’ keep anything cheap down. It’s just tea, apple sauce and yogurt. I couldn’t afford much.”
“Are you fucking kidding me Sofia? You’re not working we can’t afford to shop at Whole Foods.”
“Eli can’t digest all the processed stuff and you shouldn’t either. Maybe it’s time you found another job. There may be an ADA office nearby.”
“Yeah, in Asheville. I have no way of getting there.” he said, “Just don’t let Judson see all that shit. He’ll think we have money and start demanding the rent for my chair”
I can’t believe I have to deal with this after talking about Allen Fenton all day, “You’re still not making any money. Not one person wants a tattoo?”
Tomas is quiet
“I don’t know Sofia, I’ll give it another week. Then I’ll find something else.”
“Well, I need money for gas.”
“Just take the bus.” he says as if that's the easiest thing in the world.
“How am I going to get to the station? Elijah’s stroller is sturdy enough for me to maybe walk every other day.”
“Judson and I can drop you off at the bus stop.”
Tomas follows me inside the trailer, where Judson is on the floor playing Hungry Hippos with the girls. When he is with them he seems like such a big kid that I can’t reconcile the two versions of him. I hold the grocery bags close and head the bedroom. I put the yogurt and apple sauce in the mini fridge with Tomas’ medicine.
I bite my lip. I knew there were more important things but it would take two and half hours to get there on the bus. Not to mention…
“What if the Fentons take the bus? They have a lawyer in the justice complex”
“They don’t know what you look like, Sofia. Keep to yourself. People might try and talk to you but its better if you say nothing.”
Katie invites me to join her and girls for dinner since they had extras--Judson had apparently taken the guys at the shop out to a buffet—but not wanting to be accused of anything, I told her I had a late lunch and settled for a dinner of almond butter and apples slices.
Elijah let Tomas feed him and he seemed to be handling the organic food much better. Tomas even let him sit on his lap, even though I know it caused him a lot of pain. I bundled up my pajamas and headed into the bathroom.
I saw Judson sitting at the counter sorting through some overdue bills, I made my way over to him and the girls sort of ambushed me from the side.
“Can Elijah play with us?” they asked.
“For a little bit, it’s almost time for him to go to bed.”
I brought Eli out to the living room and finally made my way to Judson.
“Judson, I’m sorry I was out of turn this morning it’s just—“
“I don’t really want to talk about It.”, he said, “Just try to respect my space and I’ll respect yours.”
I thought maybe I should move into some small talk but I didn’t know Judson that well. I could ask him about that shop but that clearly wasn’t doing well.
I took a long shower and placed my sundress in the giant grocery bag serving as our laundry basket. I only brought three black sundresses, a sweatshirt, two tank tops, a university t-shirt and a pair of jeans with me. I could make it through the week wearing some of Tomas’ T-shirts, but I’d have to borrow laundry detergent from Katie.
“I made amends”, I said laying on the mattress next to Tomas.
He was staring up at the ceiling, his eyes following something I couldn’t see.
“That’s good”, he says his eyes still focusing on the ceiling, “Peace is a wonderful thing.”
I nodded but I still didn’t feel like I was the one who should be apologizing.
“It’s like 90 degrees outside”, Tomas comments after a few minutes
“Wasn’t one of Judson’s rules that we can’t touch the A/C?”
“Maybe you should take this off”, he said running a finger under the sleeve of my pajama shirt.
“I’m fine”, I said.
He sighs into his pillow, “Come on Sofie. You know I’m bad at this. I think we should fool around.”
He started kissing my neck, which was fine but I could feel he was hard against me. I didn’t understand what about being in this town, in this heat, in this overcrowded trailer could make him want this.
“I don’t think now is a good time.” I whisper because the walls are so thin.
“Why?”
“…Because of the court case.”
“Sofie, what happened four year ago and this are two completely different things. You know that right?”
“I do”, I only say because I logically knew that and I’d read it on survivors websites.
“We can stop when you want to stop”, he said and pressed his teeth into my neck.
“Aren’t you in a lot of pain?” I asked, “I mean this morning you—“
“I’m fine.” He answered, “Just sit up for a minute.”
I sat up and faced him. With the just the pale blue nightlight in the corner as light he unbutton my pajama shirt. This seemed okay since he had watched and tried to help me breast-feed Elijah for two weeks before the doctor said he had to switch to formula.
“Can’t we get under the sheets?” I asked holding my shirt closed
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you naked”, he said
“Okay”, I said as if that wasn’t strange, “Maybe later when we’re back in New York”
“I mean at this point I have no fucking shame when it comes to you.”
I wondered if this was about this morning, but I didn’t give
things like that a second thought. I'd had to do a lot for Tomas and none of it ever changed my perception of him.
“I don’t really think about it like that”, I said.
“I do”, he says, “I mean it must be hard to be attracted to me.”
I tilted my head. , I’d decided when I was a teenager that looks didn’t really matter to me. I’d figured I’d kiss and make love to whoever I loved no matter what they looked like. No part of taking care of him ever really stuck with me, it was just what needed to be done. I’d never had an issue with blood or bodies, I just helped and moved on to the next thing. It was what made me an ideal nurse.
Instead of saying all that I just said, “No.”
I just slid under the sheets and we started kissing again, his mouth going from my lips down my neck and breasts with his hands quickly following. It felt really intimate which made me a little nervous since I was sober.
“Let’s get a condom”, I suggested casually even thought that was the only thing was on my mind. He found one in the bottom of his messenger bag but didn’t put it on. He pushed my pajama pants down and slid his hand into my underwear.
“Have you ever had an orgasm?” he whispers
I shrugged but I realized he probably couldn’t make it out in the poor lighting.
“I don’t know”, I’d always been on a lot of drugs or black out drunk when I’d had consensual sex. I had memories of not feeling pain and being curious. I’d experienced a touch of arousal alone with Allen but I now understood that producing fluid was my body’s way of dealing with his painful advances.
I knew I could not think about that. I let him pull my underwear down to my ankles, keeping myself covered with the sheets. His fingers parted the lips of my inner labia, which I knew was not how I should be thinking it but it helped. I felt like he was struggling in the dark and rushing in case the Elijah started crying in the living room…in case one of the nurses walked in. I wanted him to get caught but at the same time I would be so embarrassed.
I felt Tomas finger press hard against me and then inside me at a clumsy angle. I grabbed his wrist and he removed his hand, “That hurts…I don’t think that’s right…”
I could tell he was trying to school his expression, he was just frustrated and it wasn’t just with me.
“The show me”, he said trying to keep his tone light, “You’re the nurse. I think I have some lube in my bag--”
“No”, I said because I could and he had to listen. He clenched his jaw and
didn’t say anything when I rebuttoned my shirt. He cursed under his breath and
I knew logically he was just frustrated because of his erection and inexperience.
“Did he put his mouth on you?”
“I told you we shouldn’t be doing this.” I say once my clothes are properly back on, “Now we are talking about the case.”
“I’m just trying to understand.”
“What ? the best way to get in my pants?”
“Yes”, he said, “We’re married for fucksake.”
I just had to set this pointless fight aside and deal with it later. When the summer was over.
“I know you don’t want to be involved in the case so stop asking. Here, let me--.”
“Stop it Sofia, I’m tired of your sympathy hand jobs. I’m trying to get you to talk to me—“
“No”, I said getting my clothes back in proper order, “No. He didn’t. Okay?”
He clenched his jaw again and seemed to be thinking really hard about what to say next.
“Maybe you should let me-“
“No”, I said preempting him, “I don’t want to have sex. It scares me, okay? I don’t like it. It’s not comfortable and I’m just . . . broken…okay. I just can’t do it …especially not right now. Maybe when I’m out of this town and drunk I give you permission to do whatever you want with me—“
“I wouldn’t do that Sofia-“
“Then stop asking me.”, I shouted at him. In that moment I’d forgotten about the thin walls and I could hear Elijah crying in the next room.
I rushed out into the living room. Garnett was still awake and looking down curiously at Elijah crying. The girls were trying to shush him but picked him up his mouth looked a little swollen, he was sensitive to a lot of fruit so I added the raspberries he had for dinner to the list.
“He’s okay”, I said, “He’s fine.”
I sat on the couch and watched Enchanted with the girls. I had no reason to be upset or feel like crying but I couldn’t help feeling it well up. I only started to cry when I noticed Judson was still sitting at the kitchen counter on his laptop.